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Dear children, when you look under your bed, what exactly are you planning to do when you find me? Sincerely, The Monster.
the jeremy kyle show, the only place you`ll see a six month old baby with more teeth than thier parents
Whoever figured out that you can make cake in a mug in under a minute was probably really going through some sh!t.
I like my relationships like I like my eggs: over easy.
I’ve watched “Aladdin” like 25 times with my kids, so I know quite a bit about politics in the Middle East.
I`ve always pictured myself taking selfies.
Chocolate comes from Cocoa, which is a tree. That makes cocoa a plant….chocolate is a salad.
Hey ladies, you know that feeling you get when you roll over & realize you made a horrible mistake? I could give that to you every day.
Raw eggs are great for a fitness diet. If you don`t like the taste, just add sugar, flour, cocoa and baking powder and bake for 30 minutes.
A hot woman telling me about her boyfriend is like setting money on fire in front of a homeless person.
If a$$holes could fly, this place would be an airport
is wondering why books on "how to make women happy" arent displayed in the fiction section
If I had a British accent, I`d never shut up.
There should be an "oh my god, shut up already" button.
Of course I like you, I gave you that roofie didn`t I?