Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I`ve ever made.
You know its cold out ......when you go outside..... and it`s cold out
I found $40 in my jeans. The kid in me says "Buy dart guns and candy", but the adult in me says "Buy vodka, dart guns and candy".
If I drunk text you and you`re sleeping, don`t text me in the morning. That ship has sailed.
Where have you been all my life? ... Please go back there.
My favorite part of country music is the part where I change the station.
When I`m not sleepy, I listen to some Chris Brown. That knocks me out right away.
"I`m not drunk" - Biggest Friday Night Lie.
If I share something clever and witty on Facebook, don’t try and out clever me with your comment. I don’t come over and blow out your candles on your cake.
Why is it always "I see you drank all the beer today!" instead of, "Oh, honey, that was so sweet of you to help clean out the refrigerator."
Just how hairy was the dude who invented a shampoo called Head & Shoulders?
Why hasn`t anyone written a sequal song to "Jessie`s Girl" ... Where he discovers what an incredible high maintenance drag she is?
It seems like the ‘L’ in my luck has been replaced with an ‘F’.
That weirdo that comes into bars and tries to sell roses would make a lot more money if he sold tacos.