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I just had a conversation with my-self...but it just turned into an argument. I think it`s that time of the month...
Conspiracy theory for conspiracy theorists: Your conspiracy theories were planted by the government to distract you from real conspiracies.
There is something so unique about me, that even I can`t figure it out...
If you are noticing this notice, you will have noticed this notice is not worth noticing
My ex-wife once left a note on the fridge: "It`s not working. I can`t take it anymore. Gone to stay with Friends." I opened the fridge, the light came on, and the beer was cold. Not sure what she was talking about!
It`s a good thing Taylor Swift and Adele aren`t dating. Imagine if they broke up.
I bet the guy who invented fake dog poo was upset the name "shampoo" was taken
Dear Santa: I have been good for the past week or so. Lets just focus on that.
You actually have friends? Yeah bro, all 10 seasons on DVD.
You say I’m dirty minded, but how did you understand what I meant?
Dude, next time you wanna wave at me, please use more than one finger.
It’s amazing how long you can hold your farts at the beginning of a relationship.
Then there was the ex-cop who started his own landscaping business. He called it Lawn Order.
A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s…That’s because she changes it more often.
Me and my recliner...we go way back.