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The face jewelry is getting out of hand. I saw a guy today that looked like he had done a face plant in a tackle box.
I hit a new low today and used a cheat code on Wii Fit
Sometimes the best helping hand you can give is a good, firm push
She might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty`s only a light switch away.
Have you seen that new golf ball that will automatically go in the hole if it comes within 4in of it. DO NOT carry it in your back pocket!
If you scream in a library, people just look at you funny. If you scream on an airplane, everyone joins in.
I get so tired of the same old BS...can´t I get a little BS variety?
Patience is what I have when there are too many witnesses.
Nothing is better than seeing your ex with someone uglier than you!
When asked how I take my coffee, I reply with, "Seriously. Very seriously."
I don’t need pepper spray to stop a mugger, I just open my wallet and blow the dust in their eyes.
Ladies, wonder if he`s busy or ignoring your texts? Offer to send nudes. If he instantly responds, he was totally ignoring you before.
And remember friends, condoms aren`t always protective....my friend was wearing one and he fell down the stairs
Don’t judge me because I only have $4 in my pocket. Judge me because I stole it off my daughter’s night stand.
Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it’s a beautiful day.