Daily Silly Status

I’m not the type of person you want to put on speaker during a phone conversation.

Childhood is like being drunk. Everyone remembers what you did, except you.

How long do I have to sleep before I`m legally a bear?

Let me check my giveashitmeter ... nope nothing.

If any of you ever want your kitchen painted orange just give a six year old Cheetos for lunch and tell them not to make a mess. Works every time.

Tony Romo tried to throw his helmet down in frustration but it was intercepted and returned for a touchdown

Isn`t it strange that bankruptcy attorneys don`t let you make payments....

I’m not a biologist but I’m pretty sure the difference between a moth and a butterfly is that a moth is really ugly.

I hate when my friends stand so close to me when pictures are being taken. It`s like they don`t know I plan on cropping them out later.

There should be a law requiring you to explain what gluten is before you’re allowed to complain about it.

Tomorrow I`m going to start using big words to sound smart....Sorry, I meant utilizing gargantuan idioms to simulate intelligence

You can`t make everyone happy, so just concentrate on me.

Texting while sitting at a stop light: Helping save lives every day by preventing T-bone collisions with drivers who run red lights. Because of that extra minute it takes for you to realize that the light has turned green, the driver who has no regard for the safety of others entering the intersection legally, can now safely clear the intersection without causing a collision. For this, we thank you.

If women kept their feelings to themselves would they explode? Guess we`ll never know.

If you grew up wanting to be a Plumber or a Pizza delivery boy, You watched too much porn as a kid.