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The worlds gonna end in 5 days & I don`t know what I`m gonna wear.
Ran out of post-it notes, now I don`t know how to remind myself to buy more.
It hurts when you goto unfriend someone only to discover they beat you to it
My left buttcheek fell asleep. I`m Half-assing everything I do for the next ten minutes.
If these people don’t start giving better advice, I’m no longer going to allow them in my head.
likes beer. On occasion, I will even drink beer to celebrate major events such as the my birthday or the fact that that it`s Monday.
You know it´s cold outside when during rush hour you get the mitten instead of the finger.
Take Note: a stress ball can be used for throwing at people who stress you out.. You`re Welcome..
Boss just announced she is leaving early. What a coincidence. So am I.
Being in the doghouse isn`t so bad if there`s enough beer in the bowl.
So apparently putting Alkaseltzer in my pocket while I`m getting baptized and pretending I`m the devil is not funny.
The most dangerous piece of machinery a person can operate while drinking is the telephone
Im switching some friends from my Facebook account to my Fakebook account.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong...and a Tax is a fine for doing well
“Have you tried just eating a ton of pizza?”- me as a therapist