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Adam: Eve, you read the terms and conditions before using that Apple product right? Eve: Uh yeah, totally
Shout out to metaphors. Without you there would only be like four songs.
I have a land line just so that I still have the option to slam the phone down when I angrily hang up on someone.
You’re not in a serious relationship until he leaves you in a room alone with his phone.
Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over? You were driving 80 miles an hour. Driver: "No way; I ain`t even been on the road an hour."
You can`t be ugly and play hard to get. It just doesn`t work that way...your already hard to want
Hate to break it to you mom, but my friends do not care if my room is messy, They care whether or not there’s food
I dig, she digs, he digs, they dig, we dig. its not a good poem but its really deep.
is running out of excuses for the stupid things I do. Please submit suggestions below.
I´m really bored but too lazy to do anything about it.
Miley Cyrus is not unique. I have been having full body spasms and licking random objects for decades.
Sorry I poked you all over your body, but I was just looking for the off button.
If Guys Wrote Valentine’s Cards: “I don’t even need beer to think you’re attractive.”
The closest I ever got to murdering is when I held a Oreo cookie in milk until the bubbles stop.
I just made my first snow angel!! ... Ok fine.. I got bored, got drunk and then passed out in the snow, whatever!