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I`ll never understand those people who say, "I mainly use facebook for my family." And I`m thinking to myself..."Umm...isn`t that what real life is for?"
Are you bored? Head over to Walmart, go into a fitting room, shut the door, wait awhile, and then yell very loudly, `Hey! There`s no toilet paper in here.`
I knew you were coming so I baked a cake ... It was delicious.
You know what’s more annoying than cops? People who buy old refurbished cop cars and keep the spotlight attached. We all hate you.
There is no such thing as a dirty mind. Just a sense of humor with adult content.
Why do they call a grapefruit a grapefruit? I mean there is already a fruit called a grape!!
It`s a recipe for disaster when your country has an obesity epidemic and a skinny jean fad.
Love is like a rubber band, we keep pulling, someone let’s it go, and it hurts the one who held on.
Why non-smokers don`t take bubble blowing breaks is beyond me
If he uses an iPhone 5 in Taken 3 he`s going to be spending half the movie charging it.
what happends when chemists pass away...We Barium.
Instead of walking faster when someone holds a door open for me, I slow down to test their door holding resolve.
Fun Prank: Put $1000 in an envelope and mail it to me.
There’s a guy whose whole job is to find new places to hide the “close this ad” button.
Don`t worry about walking a mile in my shows. Try a day thinking in head.