Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Girls are too sensitive. She said she was having twins and I said, "At least you`ll finally have 2 kids by the same father."
Pizza will never tell you to apologize to your mother in law
Guys, Everyone. Listen. I`m going to say two words that will change your lives. Pizza Tacos. I know. Just breath.
The wife finally agreed to anal sex... Does anyone know what a strap-on is?
The trouble with going out in the cold at my age is by the time I get all bundled up, I’ve forgotten where I was going.
What is easier to pick up the heavier it gets? Women hahaha
If tit for tat doesn`t mean flashing guys with tattoos, than I`ve been doing it wrong this whole time.
I add "Drink Beer" to my weekend to-do list so I know I`ll at least get one thing done.
I went to Jared for my girlfriend`s Christmas gift. I`m sure she will love her Subway gift card.
Divorce: Step 1: She throws all your sh!t in the street Step 2: The judge says you have to give it all back to her.
Liam Neeson trained Batman, Obi Wan, and Darth Vader. He is both Aslan and Zeus…and he punches wolves. Why would you kidnap his family?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Farts are like children. I`m proud of mine and disgusted by yours.
People don`t call each other jive ass turkey enough nowadays.
Want your favorite song to become your least favorite song? Just make it your alarm tune.