Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My sister told me I was not allowed to babysit anymore. Apparently the baby monitor is not supposed to be duct-taped to the baby`s ankle.
Attention fuels immaturity
This is the earliest I have ever been late.
Of course you don’t think you’re ignorant! That’s the definition of ignorance!
Secret Admirers are just stalkers with good PR.
Counting to ten when someone pisses you off works much better if you`re counting punches.
I’m pretty sure putting time limits on when breakfast is served is unconstitutional.
How can I go to sleep when this movie I’ve seen 70 times just started?
It`s such a cold winter this year that the squirrels are collecting more nuts than usual. So far 3 of my neighbors have disappeared...
When I think of all the money I’ve spent on booze in my life, I wish I had it all back. Imagine all the booze I could buy!
If there is a wrong place and a wrong time, I’ll be there.
Why is Charmin trying to get us comfortable with bears? HELLO THEY EAT PEOPLE
If people could hear the next five seconds after we hit end call, we would all have no friends.
If I was a Chinese millionaire I would change my name to Cha Ching.
Can I get likes for no reason?