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liquor stores should sell Shamwows.. I bet they would conquer any challenge alcohol can conjure up. spills.. puke.. all kinds of messes.
I hate it when I`m in a crowded elevator and yell out "GROUP HUG!" and people look at me all weird and stuff.. Making friends is hard.
Sometimes I feel as though my life should be documented for future generations.
Apparently not checking the mail is not a valid excuse for not paying your bills. The more you know.
I’m not shy. I’m just holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.
Checked my bank balance at the ATM and was happy to see I had 707 dollars in it until I realized I was holding the receipt upside down and it said LOL instead.
Wow, I haven`t seen you since the last time I wish I hadn`t seen you
Nothing hides your feelings like the backspace key.
Recent survey asked people in the U.S if there are too many immigrants: 17% said yes, 83% said Lo siento, no hablan Inglés
Why do they leave folding chairs so close to the wrestling ring? Shouldn’t the maintenance staff have learned their lesson by now?
I usually want to post intelligent and witty comments. But I end up posting stupid and funny ones so my friends can understand them.
once again Tequila is the Delete History button of my brain.
Teacher:If I had 2 oranges in my left hand and 2 mangoes in my right hand, what would I have?? Student:Big hands!!
A homeless man just asked me if I was having a bad hair day, so I took my dollar back.
What`s with this `running with scissors` bullsh!t? Why would you run with scissors? Are you that excited to cut paper?