Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Half the journey is knowing where you’re parked.
Love is like hearing your favorite song for the first time. Then listening to it over and over again till you hate that song.
I`m not a Dr. or a Nutritionist, but I`m pretty sure the worst thing you can put into any high fat/ high calorie dish is your fork.
Wouldn`t it be great to revive the old "Mutual Of Omaha`s Wild Kingdom" show, but with a new setting? Like a WalMart Store in Kentucky?
If I ask my dad to take a picture of me with my phone there is a 99% chance it will be a video of me yelling "It`s the button on the left!"
Next time a stranger talks to me when I`m alone I will look at them shocked and just quietly whisper.... "You can see me?"
So apparently RSVP`ing back to a wedding invite `maybe next time` isn`t the correct response
Women`s logic: I went to buy a suit. But i saw a beautiful pair of shoes. So i bought this handbag.
Game of Thrones is exciting, but I think it`s important to remember that these people are fighting over a chair
Once in a while, someone amazing will come into your life. And here I am!
My new year`s resolution is that donuts have no calories.
My Retirement Plan hinges on having at least one successful kid.
There`s been a whole lot of office Romance since I became self employed...
My mind is like "LETS DO THIS SH!T" but my body is like "calm down motherf*cker"
I have to be funny because being hot is not an option.