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Whoever invented marriage was creepy as hell. Like, hey you, I love you so much, I`m gonna get the government involved so you can`t leave.
Remember when there was more important crap to do besides Facebook all day? Me neither.
can say whatever the hell I want as my Facebook Status, and nobody will be offended as long as I smile at the end. Example: I hate everybody today :) - LOL
My mind is exceptionally quiet.... I am suspicious that I am up to something I don`t want myself to know about.
If only my ceiling fan could hold my weight, then I would never be bored again.
When I was a kid and was going to "get it" that was bad. Now I`m an adult and I`m going to "get it" :)
I had to explain the Goonies today... so I`m feeling super old and bitter.
Own the day
If a coworker asks to borrow your pen - sniff it and say, “I think this one is safe” and see if they’ll take it from your hand.
I don`t get it. If violets are blue, why do we call them violets?
Some people just lack the ability to realize that everyone in the room wants them to shut up.
I just read more people are killed by toasters than sharks.So if you`re swimming in the ocean and see a toaster SWIM FOR YOUR LIFE!
Fact: Pornos aren`t based on actual events.
One of the best ways to prepare for marriage is to wait 15 minutes in your car before going anywhere.
Is there anything more awkward than when you are singing along to a song on youtube and the music stops loading.