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This Coffee has given me unrealistic expectations of productivity.
Every club is a strip club, if you have the money. Every zoo is a petting zoo, if you have the balls.
In a perfect world Taco Bell would deliver...
Despite the old saying, "Don`t take your troubles to bed", many women still sleep with their husbands.
Today, my wife asked "would you still love me if I was ugly and fat." "Yes, honey I do." was not the right answer.
no..i am not drunk, floors needs hugs too ! :p
Funny how people get all angry when you break something of theirs that they don`t ever use. Like turn signals with a baseball bat.
If my cats have taught me anything, its how to ignore people.
Don`t fall in love, learn how to ruin your life all by yourself.
It`s as if none of these people have ever seen a beer hat at the gym before.
I wish that some of my coworkers were not allowed in the break room because those are the people I need a break from.
Co-worker: My wife`s an angel. Me: You`re lucky, mine`s still alive.
I ordered myself an Eastern European bride online. SO EXCITED. Just received confirmation… My Czech is in the mail!
I could actually watch golf on TV if Land Mines were involved.
Make yourself at home. Clean my kitchen