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Who is this "Moderation" they keep telling me to drink with?
Sometimes I pretend to be normal. But it gets boring ... so I go back to being me. ;)
9 out of 10 husbands agree that their wives are always right. The 10th one hasn`t been seen since the study was conducted.
This liquid diet crap is a scam. I`ve been drinking beer since last Tuesday and I`m still fat.
If my "check engine" light would check my wallet, it would know there`s nothing I can do about it.
When two people love each other deeply, nothing is impossible. Except deciding on where to eat.
The Australian kiss is just like the French kiss but down under.
There is no angry way to say `bubbles.`
"Never go to bed angry" is the worst advice ever. I haven`t slept in a week!
Is anyone going to tell America`s funniest videos about YouTube?
I finally finished my 4,000 piece jigsaw puzzle. It reads- " Get a life you sad F**k "
Why don`t they just get Jehovah`s Witnesses to deliver the mail?
If Iām going to sweep all of my problems under the rug, then Iām going to need a bigger rug.
I will vote for Donald Trump just to hear him tell Obama he`s fired!!
Wow, it`s beautiful outside. I should probably do something. Like close the blinds so there isn`t a glare on my screen.