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I just had a conversation with my-self...but it just turned into an argument. I think it`s that time of the month...
My trust issues began when there was no donkey in Donkey Kong.
There`s never been a lazier group of people than the ones that settled on naming a candy bar "Whatchamacallit."
You should have been a chicken and just went home.
If you don`t give a f*ck then why you telling everybody?
You know you`re getting old when speed limits start to seem reasonable to you.
Look, all I`m saying is if you didnt want me to take my clothes off and do an interpretive dance you should have turned off Michael Jacksons "man in the mirror".
I do take my job seriously; To make sure there are no day old donuts at the local coffees shop.
When someone tells me I`m going to hell, I`m like "yeah, duh, I work there part time as a tour guide!"
I wonder what happens when a doctor’s wife eats an apple a day.
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren`t happy.
Preheating an oven requires too much commitment.
My life coach just informed me that I didnt make the team
If by a blow job you mean blowing everything out of proportion then yes I totally rock at blow jobs.
You`re the reason why I wake up every morning... Just kidding, I have to go to work.