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I`m home by myself this evening. My wife is out at Kohl`s buying another load of laundry.
My boss told me to have a good day so I went home.
When I was growing up the TV was my nanny.
The "best part of waking up" doesn`t even make sense.
Guys write songs about girls they love. Girls write songs about guys they have broken up with
Today`s interpretive dance was brought to you by "Spider On My Shirt". Up next we have "Oh jeeze, where did it go?!"
If your drug dealer is always on time he is a cop …
I hate it when I get too drunk and just kidding I never hate getting drunk!
You don’t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine.
Rabbits jump & they live for 8 yrs. Dogs run & they live for 15 yrs. Turtles don`t do anything & they live for 150 years. LESSON LEARNED!
I’ve spent way too much of my life wondering why food doesn’t rhyme with good.
Obviously the movie "the good wife" is not based on a true story. It`s fiction people.
Stay Calm, take a breath, and reload.
Despite its name, Gatorade is pretty much fatal to alligators. I’m not allowed to volunteer at the zoo anymore.
Home is where the alcohol is.