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When I was little we didn`t have emojis. We had to put smiley face stickers on handwritten letters like a bunch of savages.
Why am I single? Answer me. . . ANSWER ME YOU STUPID CATS!!!
Does a transformer get car insurance or life insurance?
I’m sorry I slapped you. It’s just you seemed like you weren’t going to stop talking and I panicked.
People who talk to themselves tend to be better lovers. Did you know that? Yes, I did know that. Thank you for asking.
Ride me like you stole me.
I can`t tell if I actually have free time, or if I`m just forgetting everything...
If I had three wishes, I`d use one for boobs. Because I`m pretty sure I could get everything else that I wanted if I had boobs.
why would anyone want a baby? It`s just another thing you have to clean
Hash browns not tags.
Friends are like slinkys, they are twisted as heck but you can`t help but laugh when they fall down the stairs.
Tequila is Spanish for I’m open to waking up anywhere.
Sarcasm is a body`s natural defense against stupid people
Dear human, you get mad when i wake you up and also get mad when i dont. Sincerely confused, Alarm Clock.
Just been watching Ladies Beach volleyball and there`s already been a wrist injury...but I should be ok in a couple days.