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Next time you think life`s not fair..think of this x large clothes cost $2 more than large so why doesn`t small cost $2 less ? Being fat ....now that`s unfair
Hey NSA, we all know you`re there now. So click the approve on my Candy Crush ticket request.
On a scale of Doopers, you`re pretty Super.
I love how when your watching a crime show and they have to tell you that "this is a reenactment" oh really? you mean you didn`t actually catch the murder on video?
Every time you get dressed remember that, if you die, that`s your ghost outfit forever.
If I lean to the left. I am not trying to whisper in your ear. I`m married. I`m gonna fart.
All this time I thought Bi-Polar was a big white bear with no sexual preference.
Although the voices aren`t real, they have some pretty good ideas.
My life is much more fun and interesting when I`m single... Problem is I can`t remember any of it.
They say when you meet the right one you will know right away. But why does it take 3 years to know it’s the wrong one?
Fun game: Borrow some tools from your neighbor and return them one by one covered in blood until they move.
You`re beautiful until your Photoshop 30 day trial has gone.
"Are u going to the circus?" is a perfectly good sentence when not used as a follow-up 2 your wife`s question: "how does my make-up look?"
Trouble is just fun you got caught having.
If you love something, set it free. Maybe not dogs with rabies though. Or killer bees or pretty much any domesticated animal into the wild. Lots of stuff really. Look, the point is don`t love anything.