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Apparently getting injured while in the KISS Army doesn`t make you eligible for V.A. benefits.
not to brag but I finished this 14 day diet in 3 hours and 38 minutes.
Have some fun with your life...call in sick to places you dont even work at.
I`m not feeling myself today ... would you do it for me?
Every year new words are added onto the dictionary, yet no new positions are added to the karma sutra.
I was addicted to the Hokey Pokey but I turned myself around.
Knife > gun because if I pull a knife, you don`t know what I`m gonna do. Stab you? Open a letter? Or am I gonna frost a cake? It`s a mystery
I`m God`s gift to women if he stopped at a gas station last minute.
Orion`s Belt is a huge waist of space.
$100 for a dozen red what?! That`s a lot of money for a plant you can’t smoke.
If at first you don`t succeed...Do it the way your wife told you to. ;)
I like to say "Do I smell popcorn?" right after I fart ..that way everyone quickly takes a deep breathe.
How I sing it: "A, B, C, D, E, F, G,....H, I, J, K, A LEMON OH PEE!....Q, R, S....T, U, V....W, X....Y, and Z."
My school always awarded dictionaries to the spelling bee winners. Which was weird because it should actually be awarded to the losers.
If you grew up wanting to be a Plumber or a Pizza delivery boy, You watched too much porn as a kid.