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No matter how many lasagna’s you stack on top of each other, ultimately it’s always just one lasagna
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes...
Lazy fact #128540162, You were too lazy to read that number.
Just saw the little boy next door licking whip cream off the cat. Pretty sure he heard something he shouldn`t have.
Do you ever think about sh!t you did in the past and just go why the f*ck did nobody punch me in the face?
Unless life hands you water and sugar, your lemonade is gonna suck.
Save time. See it my way.
I am so thankful and grateful that out of all the planets in the universe, we live on one with pizza and vodka.
They say that you are what we eat. This means that I am cheap, easy and ready in 2 minutes!
*Australian accent* Notice the wife in her natural habitat shaming the male husband species into doing what she wants!
One thing horror movies have helped me realize is that as a parent, you definitely want to avoid having demonic children
Im afraid to go outside or even sit next to a window during an lightening storm. Im afraid that I`ll get zapped! I`m scared that God is gonna get me!!!
The last time I went to a nude beach I got a ticket. The officer said I was applying my sunscreen...Too Fast.
You say toilet, I say alcohol vomit receptacle.
I`m running out of reasons to call into work. Do you think "emergency circumcision" is a good excuse?