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If you bend over and place your ear next to a girls vagina , you can clearly hear her say "WTF are you Doing!"
I’m gonna make this girl mine….. Right click, Save As….
Don`t judge if you don`t know me. Unless you`re my bartender & you say "This guy looks like he needs another double vodka martini" then please do..
I drink to make other people interesting
April 1st is the absolute worst day to have a heart attack.
The object of golf.... is to play the least amount of golf.
I`m afraid to hug fat girls....what if they`re hungry?
I asked my mom for money and she said "Does it look like I am made of money?" I said "Well isn`t that what M.O.M stands for?"
English = Hello. Spanish = Hola. French = Bonjour. Japanese = Konnichiwa. Chinese = Nî Hâo. Italian = Ciao. Me = Sup B*tches.
If anyone every texts me “who is this” I always respond “Jake from state farm”
Judging from my last 5 relationships I am convinced my heart is trying to kill me
Sadly, the days of people using proper English are went.
i have noticed you notice me noticing you
If you cry loudly enough, your boss will usually let you go home.
The roof of the McDonalds in my town has 38 Pickle slices on it from times I ordered sh!t without pickles in it.