Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I figured out the chemical composition of Holy Water. It`s H2OMG
Yikes. don`t google "cream pies", google "cream pie recipes"
Why would you pay $80 for a bra at Victoria’s Secret when I can hold your boobs up all day for free.
The joy of finding out that your boss is going on a holiday is way greater than you yourself going on one
The worst thing about dating is bringing a nice guy home after dinner, only to find your husband home early from work.
From now on, all of my posts will be written in Morgan Freeman`s voice. Please re-read this one to make sure it`s working.
Counting to ten when someone pisses you off works much better if you`re counting punches.
There is no such thing as failure. There are only results.
That awkward moment when you`re telling the truth, but start laughing like crazy and everyone thinks you`re lying.
According to my iPhone Health app, I walked 1,787 steps around this Golden Corral buffet tonight .... So I got that going for me.
Did you know? If you were to watch all of the Saw films, it would take you 666 minutes?
The doctor said I should be drinking more whiskey. Also, I’m calling myself “the doctor” now.
If you put Root Beer in a square glass do you get Beer?
Kinda hypocritical of me to complain about people who send mixed signals seeing as the mat in front of my door says "welcome"...
Sorry I shouted "MORTAL KOMBAT!" when you started arguing with your husband at the grocery store