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It`s pretty cool how vodka always has such `great` ideas.
I just shaved my legs. I think I lost three pounds.
In terms of procrastination, I had a very productive day.
The Manning`s Thanksgiving is going to be awkward this year. "Eli, can you pass the stuffing- oh wait, you better let Peyton do it."
If I look tired at the end of the day, it`s because I just spent eight solid hours looking busy.
Just saw a commercial for weight gainer pills. Have the people with this "problem" not heard of pizza and alcohol?
My New Years Resolution is to be more positive and less sarcastic...I wonder how long this bull$hit fantasy will last.
For every idiot proof system devised, a new and improved idiot will arise to overcome it.
You’re not yourself today. I noticed the improvement immediately.
With the right music, you either forget everything or you remember everything.
I have a drinking problem. When I tilt my head back to take a drink, I can’t see my computer screen.
I was thinking about jumping on the Patriot`s Fan bandwagon, but I am afraid that the tires would be deflated...
Rich people have rehab. Poor people have jail.
My friend`s Jeep was broken into and she acted so surprised about it. Your car is held together by zippers! It`s as secure as my pants.
I`m terribly conflicted when people I hate from work, bring cupcakes.