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That urge you get to write “No one gives a crap” on someone’s status.
Some days are just not meant to be productive.
"Give me your finest meal, money is of no concern." ~ Me at McDonald`s on pay day.
It`s Friday! High-five some sh!t!
Since smart watches can now read your pulse, there should be a feature that erases your browser history if your heart stops beating...
It`s tough being a people person when you can`t stand most people.
I`m just standing here...50 yards away, waiting for the restraining order to expire.
I`ve decided that I`m an ass man. Don`t get me wrong, horses are beautiful. They just aren`t as cute as donkeys.
You look in good shape!!! Round is a shape isn`t it???
drinking while working out...it`s called Bacardio
I like confusing kids by telling them I`m older than the internet
It`s a lot easier to chuck a co-worker in the dumpster than it is to listen to his problems.
Side effects of telling your wife to get a grip may include throat bruising or testicular swelling.
This coworker is about to find out walking around smiling on a Monday always leads to workplace accidents.
A penny for your thoughts, Five bucks if they’re naughty.