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So tell me, does it hurt to be so full of sh!t?
If Miley doesn`t get her sh!t together, all these Hannah Montana collectibles are never gonna get my kids through college.
Debt doesn`t buy happiness either.
For years I thought hitchhikers were just complimenting my driving.
Don`t under estimate me... unless you`re trying to guess how old I am or how much I weigh.
Sometimes I get nervous I haven`t done anything with my life. But then something good comes on TV, and I`m OK.
Exercising can add years to your life. For example I jogged 4 miles today and now I feel like I`m 73.
When one door closes and another one opens, your house is probably haunted.....
There’s nothing better than when someone you know walks by without recognizing you.
Me: Where can I find the milk? Her: Sir, this is a library. Me: *whispers* Sorry, where can I find the milk?
How many HA’s equal a LOL? How about a LMAO? Is there a conversion chart somewhere?
Thought of the day! Calling me a crazy bitch will only encourage me to prove you right...
I get my cardio from caffeine...
People who don`t understand sarcasm are awesome.
My favorite thing to say to old people is, "When I was your age I didn`t believe in reincarnation either".