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My entire life is a “you had to be there” moment.
Just put my money where my mouth is. Pennies taste disgusting.
I don’t want to be a millionaire, I just want enough money to be able to stare off into the distance while pumping gas.
I´m (insert your name) BITCHES!!!! Deal with that.
I`m starting to think that life isn`t worth living anymore and... Oh wait, there`s the bartender now. Nevermind.
I`m starting to think all that stuff about Y2K is not going to happen !
You can`t make everyone happy, so today I think you should focus on me.
I’m over the 30-day ab challenge. Is there a 30-day nap challenge I can take on?
According to the U.S. Census Bureau: 190,374 people are having sex right now, 212,130 are kissing, and 1 poor person is reading this post. You hang in there!
Pool party at my house, bring ur own pool..
It`s finally here! .. That time of year when my seasonal depression turns into just regular depression.
I think my "check engine" light has finally burned out. So that`s good.
I looked up "thesaurus" in my thesaurus and it says "Don`t be a smart-ass".
Learning how to break wooden boards in karate is important in case you ever get in a fight with a house.
I have four missed calls from my mom. A rescure team is gonna break down my door and find me sitting on my couch in my underwear eating cheetos any minute now.