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The only thing I`m really learning from this 401K meeting at work this morning is that I`ll probably never be able to retire.
Back in my day, we had to remember phone numbers and give people directions and don`t get me started on the dinosaurs.
I`m a bitch ... What`s your excuse?
It doesn`t matter how old you are, If you hear the ice cream truck jingle you jump out the window for that sh!t.
I hope the meteorite crash in Russia doesn`t affect the price of Vodka!
Happy Labor Day to someone who barely labored this year.
I f*cking hate you. Hope that clears things up.
You`d think Pizza Hut would be able to upgrade to a house by now.
I’ll need a weekend to recover from this weekend.
It`s amazing how much us guys complain about women and then fully trust them with our pen!ses in their mouth.
There is no time like the present for postponing what you ought to be doing.
Robots can do anything we set their mind to
Hell hath no fury like a girl tagged in an unapproved pic on Facebook.
If by a blow job you mean blowing everything out of proportion then yes I totally rock at blow jobs.
If we all had to wear a warning label, what would yours say?