Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I always knew that one day I`d end up face-down in the gutter. I just didn`t expect everyone to keep on bowling...
Quite honestly, Officer, I wouldn`t have even pulled over had I known all you were going to do was criticize my driving.
Sorry I got mad and said a bunch of things I meant but shouldn`t have said out loud.
I don`t regret burning bridges. I regret that some people weren`t on those bridges when I burned them.
Before I die I`m going to eat a bag of popcorn kernels. My cremation should be spectacular.
Here`s how I gained 27lbs of muscle in 5 weeks: Lying.
I`m as conflicted as a strip club addict with a glitter allergy.
Ever had one of those days that you feel like you should have skipped the morning coffee and went straight for the booze?
The buses don`t go where you live do they.
Okay, If we get caught here’s the story…
DIET TIP: don’t eat chips right out of the bag. Get out just enough to eat until the pizza guy gets there.
My blood test came back as B+ Any tips how I can get an A+ next time?
Insomnia improves your math skills. You spend all night calculating how much sleep you`ll get if you "fall asleep right now".
My 5 year old still has so much to learn. I asked him for a screwdriver and he brought me some sort of tool.
I hate getting my picture taken. Especially in front of a height chart at the police station.