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Keep calm and drink on.
This salad tastes like I`m about done with my New Year`s Resolution.
If love is blind....why is lingerie so popular?
Kids are like debit cards. I get yelled at when I accidentally leave them at the store.
Hmmm… Who should I stalk on Facebook now? :)
You know you`re getting old when cops make you feel safe instead of nervous.
I will be back in 5 minutes, if I am not then please read this again! :D
Sometimes I write "This is a hold up. I have a gun." in the memo of the checks I write for people and pray they cash them at the teller.
Is it the S or the C that`s silent in scent?
You always remember your first Crush. Mine was Orange.
Just saw the first duckface of Spring.
Opinions are like a$$holes: some people make money by posting them on the internet.
Picking up someone at a bar when you`re drunk, is like going to the grocery store hungry... You end up taking home crap you didn`t want
Me in a shopping mall: "I like that stuff" *looks at pricetag* "i don`t like it anymore"
"it`s the thought that counts" doesn`t include showering. You have to actually do that.