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I bet anyone who`s had to fight a bear has snuck at least one hug in
I drive everywhere but for some reason my shoes still wear out, it’s like there’s just no reward for laziness.
Oops! I hate when I pour myself a drink and then have 12 more by accident.
At first it was "Okay" and then "ok" and now "k" and soon it will disappear and you`ll all regret it
What if the lightbulb had never been invented? How would we know when someone has a really good idea?
Guys you should never overreact when you hear the words, " The babysitter is late."
My girlfriend left a note on the fridge, "It`s not working. I cant take it anymore, I`m going to moms" I opened the fridge, the light came on, the beer was cold, WTF is she talking about?
lord, we beg you for tupac, and in return you can have justin bieber
The thing I miss most about being young is knowing everything.
Whatever “Estimated Time of Arrival” on the GPS. Challenge accepted.
How come there are never any restrooms in my dreams
OK look, if I meet you for a date and you don`t look anything like your pic, then you`re buying drinks for me until you do.
NASCAR pit crews are always retiring. Let it sink in: now laugh
I have always wanted to start a brand of Christian themed lollipops and call them Catho-licks.
The most dangerous piece of machinery a person can operate while drinking is the telephone