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I can`t wait to meet that special someone who will eventually ignore me.
I’ve thought long and hard, and have decided on my New Year’s resolution ... 1024×768.
My bank balance is a constant reminder that I`m safe from identity theft
I mean if men are better at math why do they get the lenght wrong all the time.
There’s been over 30 billion messages posted on Facebook, and yet most of us have never even talked to our neighbors.
This idiot from Apple reckons that the "Temperature, iPhone needs to cool down" warning message has nothing to do with all my hot selfies
Hello...
m for Monday t for Tuesday wtf Wednesday Thursday Friday get it wtf
I started to compliment my neighbors on their new wallpaper but then I realized they can`t hear me through binoculars.
There are four main food groups: 1. Canned 2. Frozen 3. Fried 4. Drive-thru
I listen to all of of the voices in my head...except the one named Reason. He makes NO sense to me.
you know hes a keeper when you know his facebook login and password!
I don`t understand why I cant lose weight. I thought dieting was a piece of cake.
The drunker I get, the more dance moves I know.
Halloween is great because kids just show up at your door and hold out bags of candy for you to steal