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The face jewelry is getting out of hand. I saw a guy today that looked like he had done a face plant in a tackle box.
Smelling another person should be a choice. Just sayin’
in 2014 there were times when I annoyed you, disturbed you, irritated you and bugged the hell out of you. Today i wanna let you know that i planned to continue with it this year :-)
I like having an ex ...it gives me something to do on Facebook at 3 in the morning.
Showed my daughter an MRE. The package said "Peelable Seal". She said I`m not eating no seal.
I really hate it when people need constant re-assurance. You know what I mean?
Some people say a true friend stabs you in the front. I’m gonna go ahead and say a true friend just puts the knife down.
You should probably take everything I say with a grain of salt. And lime. And shot of tequila.
Not having any friends means I`m always the pretty one.
Shall I compare thee to a Summer`s Eve? For thou art a douche.
If a woman tells you that you’re right, that’s called sarcasm.
There is no time like the present for postponing what you ought to be doing.
It`s a bad sign when your credit card bill has a comma and your bank statement doesn`t!
If you really want to know how she feels about you, get her drunk & then piss her off.
I think my mailman is stealing my Nigerian lottery checks.