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"I`d hit that" -old people who drive
Somewhere, a smart Lasik surgeon has an office full of brochures that are all slightly out of focus.
Hello 911? Do you think i`m pretty?
It hurts to be in love. Oh wait, I`m sitting on my keys.
Little to no thought was put into this status.
Every now and then when I`m in a room alone I say out loud, "I know you`re listening". If I`m wrong, nobody knows. If I`m right, I just freaked the hell out of some guy.
I never care whether or not my glass is half full or half empty... cause I drink straight from the bottle!
I can`t believe that it`s almost the year 2014 and I still have to bend down to pick stuff up.
Teens are always full of energy until someone says the words "clean up".
Facebook is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves.
Some days your the duck. Some days your the goose.
Never hire a color blind Bomb Technician.
If you’ve gauged huge holes in your ears and don’t keep Oreo cookies in them for snacks then what the hell’s the point man?
Do you have neighbors?.. Do you have extension cords?..... Are you paying too much for electricity?
My ex says that he will dance on my grave. I`ve now arranged to be buried at sea