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When you wish upon a shooting star, all your dreams will come true. Unless the star is really a meteor about to destroy the earth. Then, you´re pretty much dead no matter what you wish for.
Didn’t Selfie Sticks used to be called Friends?
I`m gonna start a secret porn industry and call it "The Illuminaughty"
And we all have that one friend who has more blonde moments than an actual blonde.
Alcohol: Because no good story starts with “So this one time I was eating a salad….”
Friends with benefits? What, like you can provide dental insurance?
Whenever I watch the TV show Friends, I imagine I`m the seventh friend, Dirk, who just stays home while all his friends do stuff without him.
Male camel toe? Dude that`s just nuts.
Gotta admire people who drive with one hand holding on to a mattress tied to the roof.
I read a sad statistic that something like 2% of all sushi goes un-Instagrammed.
I don`t make a very good first impression, but if you hang around, my forty-third one is pretty cool.
I don’t necessarily believe in karma, but I’m gonna be extra careful crossing the street after this weekend.
She calls it cuddling. I call it strategic body placement for the war of the covers that is about to take place.
Well it`s almost time for that " New Year -- New Me " bullsh_t again!
One dog was admiring another dog`s leash, and said, "I admire your restraint."