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"You`ve got a friend in me." - Cannibals, probably
Doing pretty good so far on my 1500 calorie a day diet as long as I don`t eat anything else today and tomorrow.
Perverts can contribute to society. Look at the disturbed individual who discovered cow`s milk.
Rum balls, rum cake, rum spiked eggnog, rum in fruitcakes...you know, anymore, there`s more of the Captain than of Christ in Christmas...
The wife finally agreed to anal sex... Does anyone know what a strap-on is?
No matter how loud you crank the bass, it`s still a minivan.
Mistakes married men make: 1. Doing things. 2. Not doing things. 3. Thinking about doing things. 4. Not thinking about doing things.
My girlfriend just accused me of being unfaithful. I told her that is ridiculous and that she is starting to sound like my wife.
There should be an energy drink named 6 AM child
One of my female friend is reading a book called "Learn to drive in a week" for the last 3 years.
Facebook made billions by saying “Hey, remember that kid you haven’t seen since the third grade? He’s a parent who hates Obama now.”
Dear God, thank you for all the animals, and plants, and insects, but were spiders really necessary?
99% of people in this world are stupid, luckily I`m in the other 2%
Thank God for Facebook otherwise we would never know what fireworks look like.
All I know about sex is from Internet Porn, I`ve tried everything except `Buffering`.