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Don`t do anything you`re not prepared to explain to a paramedic...
If I was rich, I`d do nothing all day from a much nicer couch
I don´t like people who can´t make fun of themselves. It means more work for me.
"Man, you know your bible verses forwards and backwards" - said no one ever
Before meeting a hot chick, wish I could talk to the dude who`s sick of her bullsh!t.
I never make plans until I know how I am getting out of them.
You have your whole life to be an a$$hole...are you trying to use it all up in one day?
Repeat after me: It doesn’t matter how big the problem is, posting it on Facebook won’t solve it.
I don’t know what my neighbor’s name is and we’ve been neighbors too long for me to ask.
Due to the rise in the economy, the position 69 will now be 96, due to the higher cost of eating out.
I like to think outside the quadrilateral parallelogram.
I came home one day all proud as can be with my report card and said to my Mom ,Look I got a B in reading , She said that`s a D you moron !
Birds do it. Bees do it. Heck, even fleas do it. Let`s do it! Let`s live in a homeless man`s beard!
I like to skip when I`m carrying my flamethrower cause no one ever suspects a skipping girl of starting fires.
There should be a law requiring the cashier to high five you every time you buy a box of condoms.