Daily Silly Status

I`m going to be very disappointed if I go to England and nobody skips to the loo.

I`m changing my voicemail greeting to: Please hang up and text me, thanks. ;)

Now that I`ve maxed out my 401k for the year, I`ll get a tattoo, said no one ever.

I love Halloween because it`s the only night of the year I may end up getting drunk with Batman and going home with a cheerleader.

Holy sh!t! I just opened a bag of cheddar and sour cream Ruffles and one of the chips was plain. This is a sign, man. God is going to smite all of us f*ckers with his wrath and send us to all to burn in the eternal flames of... Sorry. Just one side of the chip was plain. Carry on.

I was like "No, Pepsi is NOT ok. I wanted a Coke." And she was all "Sir, 911 should only be dialed for real emergencies."

My mother said, "You won`t amount to anything because you procrastinate." I said, "Oh ya.....Just you wait."

I don`t take steroids because I never want to look like I`m capable of helping my friends move.

You know nothing about a woman until she`s drunk and mad at you

I live for those really small but special moments in life, like when I see the waiter bringing my food to the table.

I`m giving up procrastination for Lent ... starting tomorrow.

thjeo oskl asopa joa sajksla wioj apska shul bhcgy ....Yes I just wasted your time ;)

If you heard twenty minutes of moaning from my bedroom that was just me trying to stand up.

The Bishop came to our church today, but I think he was an imposter. He never once moved diagonally.

I hate it when people tell me I look young for my age because it implies my age is old.