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Life is harder for the beautiful people. I’m sorry you’ll never know.
Coffee : Starter fluid for the morning impaired.
All I ask is to one day live in a house with secret passages.
I forgot to make a resolution, so I`m pretty much going to just write out everything I did last night and add the word "stop" to the beginning.
They say you`re not supposed to go to the grocery store when you`re hungry. It`s been several days now, what should I do?
Music that is meant to be played at a reasonable volume is completely pointless.
Not sure what to do with all the daylight we are saving.
My favorite all time cooking shows: 1. Iron Chef 2. Hell`s Kitchen 3. Breaking bad
When a cashier asks if you have a rewards card, look down, sigh, and say, "My wife took everything when she left"
So Monday and Tuesday sucked. But, with the right mix of caffeine, alcohol and mushrooms, Wednesday doesn´t even have to happen at all.
Today in my local cemetery I came across the grave of Arthur Wynne the inventor of the crossword puzzle. For those that want to know where he is buried it`s 6 down and 4 across.
Interviewer: Have any weaknesses? Me: Bullets I: No, I mean… M: Knives I: I don’t think y… M: probably evil dragons I: … M: Focusing.
This post was going to be really funny but I didn`t write it down because I was totally sure I`d remember it.
You can get away with farting at the zoo because you can always blame the animals...
I think Labor Day is to remind people that after a full day with the family, going to work actually isn`t so bad after all.