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I`m at my most judgmental when standing behind someone in a buffet line.
If I could go back in time I would put cheese on a lot more things.
I am out of wine, so I ate a bag of grapes and threw myself down the stairs.
I just want to read, have a snack, then take a nap. Basically, I just want to be in kindergarten again.
Ahhhh, bad credit…the best identity theft protection.
Bless me Father for I hit send.
I can sum up my life in three words: “just browsing, thanks.”
I`m a responsible person. People are always saying "I know you`re responsible for this."
To be honest with you, I start all my lies with to be honest with you.
If everybody was consistently as determined as they are when they carry all groceries in one trip, this world would be in a better place.
What scares me most is that some people think I actually know what I’m doing.
Every time I`m around my mother in law, I wonder who is running hell in her absence.
Whenever somebody said they did something "Like a Boss" I assume that they did nothing but took all the credit for it.
Note to self: stop buying stuff on Ebay when drunk. Anyone need a zamboni?
Spruce up your weeknight: run the dishwasher and imagine you`re on a cruise!