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I might not be a great example, but I´m one hell of a good warning.
So tell me, does it hurt to be so full of sh!t?
I can not be held responsible for what my face does when you talk.
Why didn`t you tell me that I wasn`t going to like you
It`s like nobody ever considers the consequences of getting to know me.
I missed that one episode of The Walking Dead where they show us how the zombies keep everyone`s lawns so freshly mowed.
Do NOT accept friend requests from Hormel Foods, it could be spam...
Just got in 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick an ice cube up off the kitchen floor.
My right thumb is in the best shape of my life.
Facebook is great! It reminds me to go to the gym and take my birth control so I don`t end up like everyone I went to high school with.
I`d rather run a marathon than listen to someone talk about running a marathon.
Just ONCE I`d like someone to call me "sir" without adding "this is a place of business, please put your pants back on."
I dig, she digs, he digs, they dig, we dig. its not a good poem but its really deep.
Smile. It makes people wonder what you´re up to.
I`m actually kind of handsome when you`re drunk and the light is low and there are no other dudes around and you have low standards.