Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Hunting is easier for vegans because it’s easier to sneak up on plants.
Who do you have to sleep with around here to sleep with someone around here?!
FACT: Candy corn is made out of melted down traffic cones.
Do NOT accept friend requests from Hormel Foods, it could be spam...
I miss newspapers. It`s weird hitting a dog on the nose with an iPad.
If I say “it’s a great day to be alive,” it’s because those are literally my only plans.
I am not as think as you drunk I am
Apparently this dude at the mall was just tying his shoe and did NOT want to play leap frog. My bad, dude. My bad.
Admit it. When you go to the zoo, the first thing you look at is the Camel`s foot.
Any way you can speed this up, officer? I`m obviously in a hurry.
Turns out a At Home DNA Test is not a good baby shower gift.
The only reason I offer to be the designated driver is so people will get used to seeing me load lifeless bodies into my car.
Just killed a cricket at work, and, long story short, I`m now being asked to audition for Riverdance.
Dear Social Media, thanks for showing me that I can like people. So long as I don`t have to see, touch, or smell them.
Monday morning coffee is just as important as friday night liquor....almost.