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I just took a 5 hour energy and a sleeping pill...LET THE BATTLE BEGIN.
Snakes are terrifying because they can`t trip and fall over sh!t. No creature should possess such power.
If a man says something in the woods.. And there are no women there.. Is he still wrong? O_o
If you are stalking me, please keep up, I have a lot of errands today.
I sometimes worries about my short attention span, ...but not for very L... hey! ... look at that squirrel!
The most important part of being on a gluten free diet is telling everyone about it.
It’s my favorite time of the day: How long can I stare directly at my monitor and do absolutely nothing o’clock.
I`m so pissed right now! I`m about to open a can of... Wait…WTF??!! Since when did they start putting child-proof lids on the cans of whoop-ass? A little help please...
That awkward moment when you realise you have way more internet friends than real friends.
If you have alphabet fridge magnets, and morals. You probably shouldn`t invite me over.
The secret to enjoying good wine: Open to let it breathe. If it appears not to be breathing, apply mouth to mouth.
Dear Carly Simon, Yes I am so vain that I do think that song is about me.
Why did the mushroom go to the party because he was the fungi
Not to brag, but my antics at work resulted in several items being added to the employee manual.
Note to self: stop buying stuff on Ebay when drunk. Anyone need a zamboni?