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Is it safe to take off my Winter Solstice Glasses yet?
I hate it when my fat makes me look fat.
May the bridges I burn light the way.
Breakfast in bed probably means you are dating someone. Dinner in bed means you`re probably single.
Remember when teachers asked to lie quietly with your head on your desk? My boss has yet to be impressed with this skill.
The NFL has hired their first female referee ... She will be throwing flags for penalties the teams committed 5 years ago.
I`m not funny, I`m just really mean and people think I`m joking.
You know when I was younger I was under the impression that quick sand was going to be a serious issue in life...
Why get married when you can just drive into oncoming traffic?
Take Note: a stress ball can be used for throwing at people who stress you out.. You`re Welcome..
Happy 4/21! National work drug testing day!
3 out of 4 Americans make up 75% of the population.
If you`re sad/single/both on valentines day just remember you can buy 40 chicken nuggets at McDonald`s for $8.99
The less you know, the more you think you do.
They say you can tell how someone has sex by how they dance…. So ladies be prepared for a lot of counting and clapping.