Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Your clothes are making me uncomfortable, please take them off.
People say, “You have to work on a marriage.” I say, “No thank you. I already have a job
At my age I can no longer function without my glasses. Especially when they`re empty.
Just drove past the house where I lost my virginity. There wasn`t even a plaque or anything. Pretty ridiculous if you ask me.
Just so we’re on the same page, I’m on 43.
Today is National Take Your Flask To Work Day. I just made it up. Tell the others.
My left buttcheek fell asleep. I`m Half-assing everything I do for the next ten minutes.
I’m going to start telling girls that I’m available for a limited time only in hopes that their shopping instinct kicks in.
What do women say when they are actually fine?
I didn`t break the rules. They were broken when I got here.
I remember 2012 like it was yesterday.
Every time I visit my parents, I send the kids in first so they can signal me if it`s an intervention.
been there, done that, wrote the book and have the t-shirt to prove it. What more do you want!
No officer I wasn’t texting, that’s dangerous. I was checking my email.
Some days I just wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.