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I`m "oh my god, gag me with a spoon" years old.
Million dollar idea: Alarm clock that releases spiders... NOW you`re up.
It`s a beautiful day, think I`ll skip my meds and stir things up a bit.
Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I`m halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God, I could be eating a slow learner...
Some people just need sympathetic pat.........on the head........with a hammer
Which nipple does the red jumper cable go on? Asking for a friend.
looong and hard, yep thats my pencil.
They say `No news is good news,` but I think it just means I have a lazy paperboy.
To the makers of rice cakes; thanks for nothing!
When I die, bury me with a pack of smokes, no light. Where I`m going, there will have plenty of free fires to light from.
I want one of those jobs where people ask, “Do you actually get paid for doing this?”
After spending the last week stealing cars and killing people I just found out GTA had missions.
PARENTS: your teen may be worshipping Satan. Look for these terms: LOL - Lucifer Our Lord, BRB - Burn Religious Books, TBH - Tell Beelzebub Hi
"Don`t let a hot date turn into a due date."--my father`s actual sex talk with me when I was 13.
What I’m really looking for in a friend is loyalty. And a pool. Mainly just a pool.