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The high cost of livin ain`t nothin like the cost of livin high
Call me an optimist, but I always viewed my cup as half full…of Vodka!!
Am I the only one who runs up on happy couples and yells, "How could you do this to me" and then runs off crying?
Right before I die, my last words will be, "I left a million dollars in the........
But what if bygones want to be something else? ;)
Does anyone actually know what you have to do when people are singing Happy Birthday to you.
2015 and still no thieves interested in my identity.
On a scale of 1 to "Me".. how smart are you?
After four karate lessons, I can now break a two-inch board with my cast
I feel sorry for people who don`t have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor.
You may think it`s bad grammar but I assure you it`s just laziness.
You`d think my password was "yourmom" because the computer said it was too easy.
Why do ballerinas always stand in their toes? Why don`t they get taller dancers?
<-- Is my name! Isn`t it awesome!?
If you`re ever worried there`s an intruder in your house, shout 69 down the stairs. If no one laughs, there`s no one there