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At long last, I`ve finished my research into the effect alcohol has on physical movement.....The results were, quite frankly, staggering.
I`m hosting a wine tasting event in my home. Well, it`s not really an event. It`s just me and three bottles of wine. No one else is invited.
Let`s be honest, we all have someone on Facebook we wanna bang...with a pan.
I`m convinced some people got married just so they could gripe about being married...
What do they give the person that has everything? antibiotics
Beer doesn’t have that many vitamins in it…that’s why you have to drink a lot.
How come no one in a zombie movie has ever seen a zombie movie
Seriously, You accidentally catch six kitchen towels on fire and all of a sudden you can`t go in the kitchen alone anymore.
If I were a pilot I would scream “WE’RE GOING DOWN” every time I landed the plane.
Here’s a joke for all you mind readers out there…
You really are the cat`s pajamas, and by that I mean you`re a stupid idea.
The only correct answer to the question are you sleeping is no.
I bet all those girls that ignored me in high school would still be pretty pleased with that decision.
I spent the first 20 minutes of 2014 looking for the remote.
I took the "Which 90`s Cartoon Are You?" quiz and got "You`re a fucking grown man. Stop it. Right now."