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A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
If you lose your shoe at the end of the night, you’re not Cinderella. You’re probably just drunk.
I need plastic surgery to fix whatever it is about my face that gives people the impression I want to hear about their relationship problems.
Turns out fantasy football is nothing like I thought it would be. Anyone interested in a naughty quarterback outfit? Serious inquiries only.
I had hopes and dreams. Now I have vodka and Facebook.
NEWS FLASH: Man arrested for having sex with a tree.....Police confirm he had wood!!!
There`s nothing like sitting by an open fire..watching the evidence burn.
I hate it when you can’t find your phone because you left it someplace stupid like in the car or your non-dominant hand.
Cut out the middleman and just list 911 as your emergency contact.
The girl on the flyer is never at the club.
Are you smarter than a 5th grader? Wait… Regular or Asian?
Have you ever held your money and thought "I hope this hasn´t been up a stripper´s butt"
I`d engage you in a battle of wits, but I`m afraid you`re unarmed.
I still like going into Burger King and ordering a McWhopper and a McFry.
We are hosting a charity concert for people who struggle to reach orgasm. If you can’t come, let me know.