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The block button is just the adult version of sticking your fingers in your ears and repeating "I can`t hear you" over and over
The black sheep always have the best stories.
If your ever wondering who your real friends are all you have to do is delete your facebook account for about week without saying anything and see who calls
Call me old fashioned but I prefer women with eyebrows made out of hair
How do I like my eggs? ... Umm in a cake.
New documentary movie about white trash ... I only saw the trailer...
No matter how little I do in a day. I always feel like I could have done less.
You know that you have eaten way too much junk food when you start actually craving something healthy.
People with jobs: It`s Friday!!! People without jobs: It`s Friday?
When wearing a logo or clever t-shirt, make sure your rack looks good. No one likes reading stuff on a lumpy, wavy surface. You too, ladies.
Mcdonalds Drive thru: Do you want a girl toy or a boy toy? Me: You have those here?!
In retrospect, replying "Happy as a serial killer in a skin suit factory", probably wasn`t the best way to respond to my therapist.
I live in a madhouse, ruled by a tiny army, that I made myself
The only solution to a problem is to find the source and Kill it.
Iām in a rush to go home and do absolutely nothing.