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Jesus is coming.... look busy
Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but my boss just gets mad when I don`t come to work
I get so confused when I`m about to watch a TV show or movie and "For Mature Audiences Only" appears on the screen. Can I watch or not?
Just tried to parallel park. 5 people are injured, 3 critical, 6 missing. The casualties continue to mount...
Mall kiosk employees are basically human pop up ads.
Does anyone know when is the cut-off date to stop wishing someone Happy New Years?
LADIES: Not all men get into a relationship just for sex. Some just need a personal chef.
My favorite form of lying to myself is choosing a deodorant scent that contains the words `active` or `sport` in it`s name
"Bros before hoes" is something a bro without a hoe would say.
Be careful on how tough you are on your kids....Strict parents create sneaky children.
That amazing moment when you post a comment on Facebook and everyone likes it.
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Wal-Mart or at Taco Bell.
It’s not a nap unless your face wakes up in a puddle of your own drool.
I used to think paramedics were ghost doctors.
I guess I`m somewhat of a big deal, when I tell people about my accomplishments, they always say, "Big deal."