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Once and for all, I agree to ALL "the terms and conditions" that have or will ever exist!
I bring my kids to a romantic restaurant on Valentine`s day as a birth control reminder to the other couples.
I`m really sick and tired of food having calories...
The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.
I am, have to avoid the leg cramps during sex, years old.
The only human interaction I want for the rest of the day is the exchange of money between me and the liquor store cashier
If your dog loves hanging his head out the window of the car as you are driving, but growls when you blow in his face, you may need a breath mint.
I forgive and forget, because I have a good heart, and a terrible memory.
There`s no way to gracefully remove a jacket while wearing a seatbelt...
Two clowns are eating a cannibal. One turns to the other and says "I think we got this joke wrong."
Why can`t Mosquitos suck Fat instead of Blood!
Sometimes I really think I have my life together...and then I realize my underwear is on inside-out.
Some girls post the most depressing love sh!t that even I`m starting to miss their ex!!!
Never be mean to nerds. You never know, one day you might be working for them!
Sometimes in life, all you really need is a lot of money.