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What`s a burnt pizza, frozen beer & a pregnant girl have in common? There was a DUMBASS who didn`t take it out in time.
Hey movie villains - make a bomb where the wires are all one color.
Plan B includes margaritas.
"Thanks for coming" - sperm bank receptionist.
Despite the high cost of living, it still remains popular.
Why do they write PIZZA all over the box? What else could possibly be in there???
Suggested movie theater prices: Adults - $9.00, Under 12 - $ 6.00, Under 3 - $249.00
My short-term memory is my ONLY problem..... Well, that, and my short-term memory
The trouble with children is that they´re not returnable.
What doesn`t kill you makes you have lots of hospital bills.
Pretending to be nice is exhausting...
I was pretty disappointed when my boss said we can`t do throw-back Thursday, or bring tequila shots to work
It would serve me better if they put shopping carts in the middle of the store where my pride realizes I have too much sh!t to carry.
Drink coffee! ... Do stupid things faster with more energy.
I was going to buy my first pair of Jordans.. Until I saw the price.. So I decided to make a car payment instead!