Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
At least mosquitos are attracted to me.
I always say, "morning." Instead of, "good morning." If it were a good morning, I would still be asleep in bed instead of talking to people.
I`m at the "what can I make with green beans and cake mix" stage of needing groceries
I woke up with a headache this morning but she went to work.
A Slinky is a great way to teach young children that it`s fun to push things down the stairs.
when god was giving out brains....you must have miss heard for trains..and missed your bugger
If time does not wait for you, don’t worry. Just remove the battery from the clock and enjoy life.
I think I really have an amazing butt, every time I talk to someone and start walking off they say,"what an a$$.."
I am not real pumped up about the Super Bowl this year!
Wanna ruin a girl’s day? Respond to her next text with “Who is this?”
My boss yelled at me today “It’s the fifth time you’ve been late to work this week! Do you know what that means?!” I said, “Probably that it’s Friday?"...
The “Slow Children Playing” signs always make me sad. Would it cost that much more to thrown in punctuation?
It is impossible to look cool while holding onto a leash attached to a dog who is taking a crap.
hell yeah !!!! i was the lucky sperm !!!!!
My biggest problem is that I believe almost everything I tell myself.