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I`m not allowed to have any energy drinks until all the cat`s hair grows back.
I`m curious: Do girls shake the gasoline nozzle when they`re taking it out of their cars too?
Moms birthday is next week. I can’t find a card that says “I wish you loved me more than vodka.”
I used to be a terrible flirt ... I am much better at it now.
"Spring Ahead" this weekend for Daylight Saving Time proves there is a much quicker way than Facebook to lose an hour in your life....
Dear Carly Simon, Yes I am so vain that I do think that song is about me.
This century is already 15% over.
Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
The easiest way to escape a conversation is to interrupt the other person and say "this conversation is going great" every few seconds
Man, the first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.
what I hate about technology is that even my book ran out of batteries
I`ve noticed that the squirrels are gathering nuts for the winter. Couple of my friends are missing...
If your cat has a Facebook page, we can`t be friends.
People in sleeping bags are the soft tacos of the bear world.
I embraced my inner child today and the lil` bastard bit me!