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Girls who say "alot of guys are after me" should keep in mind that cheap things always attract many customers.
If no one comes from the future to stop you from doing it than how bad of a decision can it really be?
I tried to make both ends meet, but I`m a poor judge of distance.
If it weren’t for physics and law enforcement, I’d be unstoppable.
Guys: Bet a female friend that she can’t touch her bellybutton with both elbows. Enjoy the view.
I was playing catch phrase with my family and the phrase I got was `pearl necklace` .. And then I ruined family time...
The problem with kleptomaniacs is that they take things so literally.
I got this weird condition where I drink a case of beer and fall down.
All I’ve ever wanted from life was to be a disturbance in the force.
If you have a mirror handy, kindly gaze into it and you will find your problem
I wish that we lived in a world where a chicken could cross the road without getting its motives questioned.
I listen to all of of the voices in my head...except the one named Reason. He makes NO sense to me.
Do you women realize how silly you all look with your clothes on?
I always get this dream where I`m driving in reverse ...Then I wake up and see that I`m driving normally.
The boss keeps talking about a company 401k … I don’t think I can run that far!