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You`re the reason I wake up every morning... Just kidding, I have to goto work.
My neighbors listen to some excellent music. Whether they like it or not.
Since smart watches can now read your pulse, there should be a feature that erases your browser history if your heart stops beating...
Something I will never understand: Why it’s acceptable for people to be idiots but not acceptable for me to point it out.
If I had a cooking show, it would be called “Do You Smell Something Burning?”
Falling in love is just like falling down a well, except one is dank, dark and scary, and can really hurt you, and the other is a well.
If A Couple in Love are called Love Birds, then a couple who fight with each other should be called Angry Birds.
I`ve just been hit in the head with a werthers, and I thought........... That`s original!!!
PMS = Prepare to Meet Satan.
Redneck WORD OF THE DAY: WATER My girlfriend gets mad and I don`t even know water problem is!
If you think about it, before the first mirror was invented, if you didn’t live near a body of water, you had no idea what you looked like.
Guys, freedom of speech doesn`t mean you can spell things any way you want to.
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with beautiful daughters do. Happy Fathers Day!
I snuck popcorn into the movie theatre but they won`t let me use their microwave.
Everyone wants their kid to learn to walk until exactly 30 seconds after their kid learns to walk.