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I have no time for games in my relationships. Unless by games you`re referring to naked twister. I`ve always got time for that sh!t.
I`m definitely the drunkest person in this ball pit.
Note to self... next time my wife asks what`s on tv, don`t say dust
I`m having trouble telling if it`s killing me or making me stronger
When I`m happy, I drink and when I drink, I`m happy. Win/Win!!
Nothing like a brisk morning jog to start the day! Just kidding! I don`t do that.
Slutty girls are like Walmarts, everyone makes fun of them but when you`re inside one at 4am you think, i`m glad these are here.
If you tickle me, I’m not responsible for your injuries.
Remember when phones were stupid and people were smart? hmm...
Instead of sending people to jail, we should just make them eat the stringy things off bananas..
My wife says I`m a clueless idiot. I didn`t even know I had a wife.
It’s like I was put on this earth so unstable people have somebody to date.
I took a 5hr energy today. they`re right about being able to multitask because it made me puke and poop at the sametime..
How Big is Infinity?
Trying to understand some people is like trying to pick up a turd by the clean end.