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You`re as useless as a referee in the WWE
My neighbours were listening to some pretty cool music until the a$$holes asked me to turn it down.
It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it.
Exercise would be so much more rewarding if calories screamed while you burn them.
Not to brag, but I don’t need to smoke pot to get the munchies.
this guy with binoculars has been watching me watch him with binoculars and i don`t know who`s winning
The only thing worse than "the one that got away" is the one that won`t go away.
Relationships would be easier if people came with a “Clear History” button.
When a cashier asks if you have a loyalty card just sigh and say, "My wife took everything when she left"
To skip any youtube ad just change ‘youtube’ to ‘youtubeskip’ in the url of any video. You’re welcome.
I keep my TV volume at "screw the neighbors".
Every time someone says "Have a nice day!", I yell "DON`T F**KING TELL ME WHAT TO DO!"
I used to eat natural food, until I heard people were dying of natural causes
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
Scariest Moment: Flushing the toilet at someone else’s house, and seeing the water rise…