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There are no winners the day following a green beer, corned beef, and cabbage binge.
I am not acting childish and you`re just a big doody-head.
Do you know what really makes me smile? Facial muscles.
I can already tell it`s going to be another one of those mornings where I`m not rich and famous.
When you get angry at someone count out loud to ten. When you get to eight, throw a punch. Nobody expects that sh!t.
SOCIAL WORKER: cop without a gun, judge without a gavel.
I am a drinker ... Hear me pour
I don`t throw anything out anymore I just go to TGI Friday`s once a month and glue more sh!t to the wall, no one notices, try it
Don`t let the propeller hat fool you... I have no idea how to fly this plane.
I don`t understand fat poor people. What are you eating? Broken hopes and dreams?
Why did the Fresh Prince have to take a cab anyways? How sh!tty was that family that no one would pick him up from the airport?
We have cars that park themselves but I still gotta wave my hand 15 times before a paper towel comes out the dispenser
is here. Now what are your other two wishes?
Its all fun and games until someone drinks the beer with the cigarette butts in it..
love a girl with a trimmed bush because it makes it easier to see into her window at night.