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I`m old enough to remember when cell phones actually got smaller every year.
Remember way back when the only thing that was annoying on your feed were game requests?
Technically, it isn`t pre-marital sex if you have no intention of getting married.
When I go to someone’s house & they tell me to make myself at home, the first thing I do is throw them out because I don’t like visitors.
After a while you just get used to people not understanding.
You know it’s going to be a bad day when your horoscope starts with… “Are you sitting down?”
According to my fitness app, I ate a 6 mile fruit roll-up.
Who needs Halloween decorations when I can just put up my selfies?
Unplug the copier at work & put a sign on it that says “now voice activated!” Sit back & watch the magic unfold.
I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food. :)
Sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is go to bed.
Hubby wanted to start the new year out with a bang - So I shot him..
Trying to remain humble but I’m the most famous person in my living room right now.
Just ate a sleeve of crackers on my wife`s side of the bed.. I`ll let you know...
Mini M&M`s - for when you just can`t finish an entire M&M