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I don`t need glasses ... I drink straight from the bottle.
“One man’s trash is another man’s treasure” would be a terrible way to let your child know that they’re adopted.
Next time you are sad remember you can make a cheeseburger with donuts as the bun. Still sad? Add Sprinkles
Laughter is the best medicine but if you are laughing without any reason, I think you need medicine
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
i don`t know what to say on your comment so i just hit "like" so you won`t be upset that ignored you.
Daylight Savings makes us lose an hour... It’s kind of like Facebook.
No matter how old you are, If a little kid shoots you with a toy gun, you pretend to die.
Do you think the dude that invented the breathalyzer has any friends left?
It`s awkward when I have to pull someone aside and point out that my fly is open.
come on people driving is just like coloring, just stay inside the lines.
I wanted to book an Elvis impersonator for a party so I phoned them up and got a call centre. It said `press 1 for the money, 2 for the show.`
I wish real life had as many ejection seats as cartoons.
Whenever I want a klondike bar I just pay for it.
During the holidays people have to make a choice between enjoying the holidays or spending it with the relatives.