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Guess when toothpaste was invented? 1892. Guess when kissing was invented? A DISGUSTINGLY LONG TIME BEFORE THAT.
You can test my patience all you want, but I’m never going to pass.
Can’t find your children? Try turning off the wifi. They appear suddenly.
I believe in love at first episode.
If you never used that plastic thing that keeps pizza from sticking to the box lid as GI Joe`s poker table you`re too mature for me.
To stupidity ... And beyond!!
Yes Officer, I carry a knife, but that`s just in case I find a cake.
There`s really no telling how successful I could have been if the internet hadn`t been invented...
Guy test! find the nearest guy by you and repeat to him the following slowly: Door knob, Titanic, Gluestick, Kiwi, Opra Winfey, Shovel, Boobs, Remote, Battery, Furby, Glowstick, Beer, & Xbox. NOW ask him what he remembers before "Boobs"
Nothing says "friend zone" quite like a girl saying "you`re like a brother to me." (Disregard this message if you`re from Alabama)
I hate it when people hate me without even giving me a chance to give them a good reason to.
What do we want? An end to auto-correct errors! When do we want it? Cow! Sow! Bow! Tow! Duck this...
When a guy says "I`m Fine" what he is really trying to say is that he is fine.
The Wizard of Oz is the ultimate chick flick. It`s about two women trying to kill each other over shoes.
These ‘energy saving` light-bulbs are bullsh!t. They take just as much effort to screw in as the ordinary ones.