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I worry about people who write "taken" in their bios. Where did they go? Who took them? Why aren`t we helping to find them?
All bad decisions are ultimately made using the same piece of resounding logic: “Screw it.”
Is that a selfie or did you just photobomb a picture of your filthy bathroom?
The only time my wife will ever scream "DEEPER, DEEPER" is when they are lowering my casket into the ground
I should be able to take a sick day if I am sick of the people I work with.
I am so thankful and grateful that out of all the planets in the universe, we live on one with pizza and vodka.
High fiving was the original "like".
My kids are always accusing me of having a "favorite child" which is ridiculous because I don`t really like any of them.
8 more days and I will finally get rid of last years Halloween candy.
The Four Seasons, by Facebook: Spring: LOOK FLOWERS! Summer: LOOK AT MY DASHBOARD TEMP! Fall: LOOK LEAVES! Winter: MORE DASHBOARD PICS!
Had another daydream where I`m doing the mexican hat dance and CIA guys watching me from satellites are dancing along in their control room
Being sick is your bodies way of saying “Hey, you really need to catch up on some TV”.
Pink camouflage: I`m like, where you hiding? Candyland?
Facebook where I am surrounded with people but still no one can see me biting my toe nails or picking my nose :-D
Dear life, When I asked if my day could get worse it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.