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Optimism? Sure, it`s worth a try. I don`t see how acting like an eye doctor is gonna help, but whatever.
It`s impossible to look cool while holding onto a leash attached to a dog who is taking a crap.
Girls don`t dress for guys, they dress for themselves. If they dressed for guys they would be naked all the time
People say "Happy Thanksgiving" which is nice, but then they ruin it by saying "Don`t eat too much". Do they want me to have a Happy Thanksgiving or not?
IM LOST! I`ve gone to look for my self. If u see me, tell me to wait here till I get back.
Never make decisions when you are angry....or horny.
It`s a little known made up fact of mine that 40% of the air inside a Taco Bell is just farts.
Success is like pregnancy, everyone congratulates you but no one knows how many times you`ve been screwed to get there.
My parents never allowed violent video games. Just family-friendly board games with questions like, "Who murdered this guy with a pipe?"
My life is a constant battle of preventing my muffin top from becoming a pound cake.
When I see a hot girl walking by, I like to look at her and blink very fast and repeatedly so it looks like shes walking in slow motion. Everything is better in slow motion =)
All single ladies, stop saying you should just give up and get a cat. If no man wants you, don’t force an innocent cat to live with you.
College is the only time in which being poor and drunk is acceptable.
Young enough to know I can. Old enough to know I shouldn`t. Stupid enough to do it anyway.
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.