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Ya Know?!?......The number of ways I could care less...... is astounding!
I`ll do a lot of things for money, but I draw the line at working...
Life isn`t a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, chances are you are going to walk home barefoot.
So much for the saying, 3rd times a charm, I just checked my Mega Millions ticket for the 3rd time, and still nothing.
I really like it when women check me out, they seem to be able to work the register a lot better than men.
I get more excited seeing my luggage on a baggage carousel than I do seeing a person I know.
Why is it that when you work very hard, you say you are working like a dog? Every dog I`ve ever known is lazy and sleeps 16 hours a day.
I don’t have time for the nervous breakdown I deserve.
Anyone who knows me obviously knows a shit ton about awesomeness.
Thanks for sharing your moon with me on Instagram. We don`t have a moon where I live.
Why don`t family members send me money for my birthday anymore? I need it now more than when I was 7
69% of people find something dirty in every sentence.
Seriously, dude...Is there a name for what`s wrong with you?
My facebook has been rated PG for Poor Guy
If you think this week was a drag, wait till you see what happens next week!