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My doctor said if I wanna drop a few pounds I`d have to stay away from carbs. So I`ve been using this insanely long straw to drink beer
I hate Russian nesting dolls. They`re so full of themselves
Home is where you can say anything you want, because nobody listens to you anyway.
If you answer the phone and say "Hello, you`re on the air." most telemarketers will hang up quickly.
God is creative... I mean look at me??
You don`t know broke until you`ve rinsed off a paper plate.
Impressing the McDonald’s drive thru people with my music is always a top priority.
Sometimes I use big words that I don’t fully understand in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.
Slowly, Waldo`s wife and Mr. Sandiego started putting the pieces together
We`re like hot chocolate and marshmallows. You`re hot, and I wanna be on top of you.
No thanks, NASCAR. If I wanted to spend 8 hrs watching a car drive around in a big circle, I`d go on a road trip with my mom.
I was the only one that cared when Jimmy cracked corn.
I`ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.!!
When I think of all the money I`ve spent on booze in my life, I wish I had it all back. Imagine all the booze I could buy!
I`d say go to hell, but I don`t want to see you again.