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Pornography only gets called by its full name when it`s in trouble too.
I started to question my sanity this morning, It told me to "Shut up and chew through the straps....). I was free by noon......Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Just heard about the Obamacare deadline and I`m freaking out. I have so many questions. Who is Obama?
I`m a Leader not a follower. Unless it`s a dark place...then you`re going first!
Okay so the pregnant woman in the library didn`t get my `overdue` joke.
Facebook is basically just you having a conversation with yourself hoping that someone else will join in.
I`m first world poor. That means I have a smart phone and laptop that I use to go online and see that I have no money in my bank account.
Just moisturized my hands and now I can`t get out of the bathroom. Send help.
You actually have friends? Yeah bro, all 10 seasons on DVD.
I plucked my first gray hair today ... Man, that lady was upset.
I have a moderate amount of skills in life, but one of those things does NOT include the ability to stop eating.
Hard liquor because I don`t don`t have time or patience to sit around drinking 9 bottles of wine every day
I`ll be glad when it`s warm enough to pee outside!
I have company coming, does a spork go on the right or left side?
When people stare at me, I assume its because they are taking notes on how to be a bad a$$ motherf*cker.