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If you think people are stupid, randomly post "Happy Birthday" wishes on peoples FB page and see how many others tell them happy birthday.
I consider my body less of a temple and more of a ruin.
Don`t run with scissors -- unless you`re stealing scissors, of course. If so, run. Run like the wind scissor thief!
Is it wrong to swallow my multi-vitamin with a beer?
The human body can survive three weeks without food, three days without water but only three hours without wifi.
According to my nipples, there is a 99% chance it`s cold as hell right now!
How do you get in touch with the models in the pictures that come with the frame? I have an out of control, elaborate lie I need help with.
I hope when the machines take over the world they start by fixing my cable.
why were you in my dreams again? i`m starting to think you`re stalking me.
Remember when everyone died before gluten-free bread?
roses are red, violets are blue, I suck at poems.. you have nice boobs
I suppose cougar is a better term than old whore.
Breaking News: Viagra shippment stolen... Cops are looking for a gang of hardened criminals.
thinks that 100-calorie packs have just enough cookies to piss me off!!
Please be patient...I`m fcuking things up as fast as I can.