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Why don`t prison inmates just use liquid soap?
Wife is painting the upstairs bedrooms. It`s not in my nature to sit still while she slaves away so I went up and complained about the color
Keep calm and drink on.
Bored? Find group photo of 4 women. Comment "You 3 look incredible!!"
Shout out to weathermen telling us the barometric pressure like we know what the hell to do with that information.
If I weren´t such an alcoholic I would throw my drink in your face
I`m always amazed that when tragedy strikes how quickly people on Facebook become experts on the subject no matter what it is.
When people tell me "you`re going to regret that in the morning" I sleep in until noon because I`m a problem solver.
Not clicking like on this status makes your a$$ look fat.
I can`t believe that it`s the year 2012, and I still have to bend down to pick stuff up.
Don`t you just want to write on some people`s Facebook wall "you peaked in High School".?
I’ve never been a millionaire, but I know I’d be excellent at it.
Someone once told me, “GO FOR BROKE” !! I’m happy to report that I succeeded…
I use sarcasm because flat out telling you you’re a moron is considered inappropriate and is frowned upon. And I was raised better than that.
I know you’re supposed to have 3 balanced meals a day, but how many can I have at night?