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“One man’s trash is another man’s treasure” would be a terrible way to let your child know that they’re adopted.
Couch pillows are really just fart silencers.
There is a huge difference between a hot girl and a girl wearing lesser clothes.
Please rephrase your question in the form of a compliment.
I really should learn to say "congratulations" instead of "are you keeping it?"
Phrases I hope to avoid in my obituary: “skeletal remains,” “dumpster,” “almost beyond recognition,” “dental records” and “shallow grave.”
Sometimes I like to play God and just ignore everyone when they talk to me.
Lets not get carried away it`s not like McDonalds shutdown
These kids next door to me need to quit yelling. I`m about to wake up their mom and send her back over there.
The phrase "Don`t take this the wrong way." has a zero percent success rate.
I`m God`s gift to women if he stopped at a gas station last minute.
Monday :`( Tuesday :-( Wednesday :- Thursday :-/ Friday :-| Saturday :-) Sunday B-)
What do we want? An end to auto-correct errors! When do we want it? Cow! Sow! Bow! Tow! Duck this...
99% of people in this world are stupid, luckily I`m in the other 2%
People with no money sure do have a lot of pot.