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I wasn`t even going for broke. But I got it!
My fitness goal is to weigh what I told the DMV I weigh.
I`m trying to be healthy and grow my own food but I can`t find any Twinkie seeds. :/
Okay, I can`t take it anymore. What in the hell holds the blocks up in Mario Brothers?
Thank God you`ve updated your status to "Finished lunch" after you first posted "Going to lunch" I really couldn`t tolerate more suspense.
If watching the big-screen TV with your pants off and a bag of Doritos is wrong, then they shouldn’t have couches at this Best Buy
75% of my day consists of looking at the clock and not believing it
How funny is it when you’re telling somebody a made-up story and someone says “Oh yeah I heard about that”?
How do some people manage to sit on it and talk out of it at the same time?
They say that money talks, but mine just waves goodbye.
It won`t be the alcohol or cigarettes that kill me. It will be my inability to know when I should or shouldn`t laugh at something.
Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called " fun size" should really re-evaluate their stanards of entertainment.
Any convenience store that requires the customer to wear pants isn’t convenient at all.
I haven`t owned a watch for I don`t know how long.
Well if you didn`t want me to fall in love with you, why did you tell me you had nachos?