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The word "Lovers" bums me out unless it`s between the words "Meat" and "Pizza".
If only life was as easy as getting fat.
As a child, you dream of adventure, travel & success. As an adult, a lot of the time, you just hope the toilet flushes.
I love Alfredo sauce ... Unless you`re a dude named Alfredo.
Its hotter than a three peckered billy goat!
I worry about the future because I know my friends that are teachers.
You don’t have to be naked to have a good time, but it helps.
I don`t know why I ever signed up for Facebook. I mean like seriously, this dating website sucks!
I learned two important lessons today. I can`t remember the first lesson, but the second one is I have to start writing things down.
A Relationship is like poker, if you don`t have a partner you better have a good hand.
I dont pay for cabs if I’m too drunk to drive. I find the nearest Dominos, order a pizza delivery to my house & ask for a ride home with it.
The majority of Americans support sending Congress to Syria.
I just want you to be happy…and maybe a little bit naked.
Spiderman is just another guy who ends up with sticky hands and covered in white stuff after being on the web.
Who ever snuck the s in "fast food" was a clever little bastard!