Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Better pound all these beers so I can get the bottles in the bin for recycling day.
It`s like nobody ever considers the consequences of getting to know me.
I wonder if more children were conceived because of alcohol or more alcohol was consumed because of children.
Adulthood is like losing your mom in the grocery store for the rest of your life.
What idiot called it Adderall instead of Accomplish Mints?
I`m glad the guy who came up with "No means no" didn`t do the whole dictionary
Do you know what’d look good on you? Me
A chain lock on a door is just there to annoy the person who is breaking in to kill you, right?
Talk to me long enough and you`ll realize why I`m single.
My illusion of having the Force is crushed the minute the remote is slightly out of reach.
If you try to pronounce “lmao” you sound like a french cat.
Just tried to kill a snake in the backyard. And by kill I mean screaming as loudly as a human can in an attempt to make its head explode.
If your online dating profile says "I don`t have sex on the first date" then that`s why you`re on a dating website.
What`s the opposite of wanting to hear about you doing crossfit? I`m that.
I’m so glad I was young and stupid before there were camera phones.