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Edward Cullen is extremely pale due to the lack of light in the closet.
Cashiers are always checking me out.
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My friend wants to know if you think I’m hot.
Aren`t they Middle-Age Mutant Ninja Turtles now?
You call them French Fries…I call them Edible Ketchup Shovels.
Turns out if you fake your death every monday work catches on.
Ladies first. Because it might be dangerous.
I dont care how you live your life, so just let me live mine. Yeah whatever.
Miley Cyrus is not unique. I have been having full body spasms and licking random objects for decades.
Has anybody seen my keys? they`re awesome.
That awkward moment when you are killing it on Mario Kart & then realize you are looking at the wrong side of the screen.
Being a woman should count as a pre-existing mental condition.
You can’t run from your problems forever. Eventually, you’ll have to take a car or a plane to really avoid them.
My new diet plan consists of multiple naps. Because you can`t stuff your face when you`re sleeping.