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If Miley doesn`t get her sh!t together, all these Hannah Montana collectibles are never gonna get my kids through college.
My dog was licking his balls. My friend said "I wish I could do that." I said "You better pet him first; he can be mean sometimes."
I`m an outdoorsy kind of guy, I like to drink beer outdoors
Refusing to go to the gym counts as resistance training, right?
The amount of people who confuse "to" and "too" is amazing two me.
You and I are just different. And by different I mean you`re stupid.
We have those sticky traps all around the house and I just found one moved clear across the room with all sorts of hair on it....so if anyone see`s a BALD mouse running around, it belongs to me
Do handjobs from girls who speak sign language count as blowjobs
The only thing alcohol can`t cure is alcoholism.
I heard she was born naked!! That slut!
I have my hesitations about Paradise City if the first thing you brag about is the color of the grass
I just want to point out that I am an Amazon Prime member so it`s about time you guys started treating me with a little respect.
Turns out indoor stone throwing is a mistake no matter what your house is made of.
I will probably die as a result of being sarcastic to the wrong person at the wrong time.
thinks it`ll just be my luck to win the Lottery tonight ...... and the world WILL end tomorrow!