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Things are finally looking up for me. This Victoria`s Secret catalog just told me this is going to be "your sexiest year ever."
I swear I just go to the strip club for the music.
Girl: What`s the plan, get me drunk and take advantage of me. Boy: Good, you`ve done this before
I watch CSI for the great tips they give out.
I am sick of people thinking deodorant is optional.
When I see someone walking more than one dog I always think, "wow, that person must be really blind."
My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldn`t walk to the donut shop.
Every morning I check my girlfriends horoscope to see what kind of day I`m going to have.
And then I was all: “I’m really getting sick of your shit, bitch.” And then she was all: “To speak with a representative please press 7.”
I`m beginning to think that my destiny in life is just to be a bad example that other people can learn from.
Adam Levine beating me out for sexiest man contest is complete bullsh*t.
I hate getting paid and being broke all in the same day!! :(
I wish college was 5 easy payments of $19.99
i havnt seen any status`s about ninjas lately.... well played ninjas
This bottle of beer is not only delicious,,,, It also contains almost 10% of my daily requirement of beer...