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I like to sit outside on campus at night in my 1940s clothes and when people say things to me, I say "You can see me?"
True laziness is being excited when plans get canceled.
Dear automatic flushing toilet. I appreciate the enthusiasm, but I wasn`t quite finished...
If I ran NASA, it would be mandatory for the ground crew to be dressed as apes when the space shuttle lands.
I realized my superpower.. I can walk into ANY bathroom.. And the toilet paper roll will be empty..
Just because you have a beard doesn`t mean you`re a man. Last time I checked vaginas can grow hair too.
Facebook: A place where people, who know so little about anything, have so much to say about everything.
There`s a bald spot in my yard so I`m gonna let the grass grow around it really long and then do a comb over.
I want to live in a world where the Food Network delivers.
I see subway employees are still having their "how much lettuce can you fit on a sandwich" contest.
I finally saw Kung Fu Panda. I`m certainly not an expert, but I thought the nunchuck scene looked kind of fake.
I wonder if I could get a job as a babysitter if I referenced my Facebook group admin experience.
I hate fake people...especially the ones at the mall advertising clothes in front of the stores
Basically anything you buy at the hardware store looks like you`re getting ready to take hostages.
I`m glad I don`t work in an office. I can only imagine the smell at lunch time when everybody opens their egg salad sandwiches today.