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Don`t blame me. You`re the one following a 41 year old man who just jumped into his bed like an Olympic athlete because scary monsters.
Sadly, I don`t think anyone has Wang Chunged once tonight... :(
The most powerful I ever feel is waving pedestrians to walk in front of my car. "Go forth, and trust that I will not kill you."
"What doesn`t kill you makes you smaller." -Super Mario
Bored? Find group photo of 4 women. Comment "You 3 look incredible!!"
Every morning I check my girlfriends horoscope to see what kind of day I`m going to have.
If you say "cash money" around me, Don`t act surprised when I kick you in the "balls nuts" See how stupid that sounds?
Oh honey, you`re not pretty enough to be that stupid
I’m no Dr. Phil, but I bet if you tell at least 5 people to f*ck off today, you’ll feel better.
Nothing hides your feelings like the backspace key.
The best nights are those when it never crosses your mind to update your Facebook status.
I decided to make a bucket list for when I kick the bucket. Number 1: Wear shoes! Ever tried kicking a metal bucket without shoes?
My boyfriend isn`t allowed to break up with me. You wanna see other people? Look out the window.
Today I saw a girl with the word "Anel" on her butt. I was like, woah..it`s supposed to say "Anal"..it`s spelled wrong then I realized it was supposed to say "Angel". The G was stuck in her a$$crack
She caught my iphone before it hit the ground... She`s definitely my screensaver