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I pay $200 a month for car insurance, I`ll run all the red lights I want
How to know you have a sunburn: Smack the spot. If you scream in pain, its a sunburn
If you eat it in the car before you get home, it never existed.
If a girls tongue being pierced really mattered, then I would have my palm pierced!
Life would be more simple if the person who named the orange an orange would have named more things. ;) Just Sayin`
I don`t know why people say "your guess is as good as mine"? ..because my guesses are always better. ;)
Politicians are people who have too little an amount of morals and ethics to remain lawyers.
You know you are the ugly one if they ask you to take the photo.
The downside of being a bomb disposal technician. It takes 6 hours to open Christmas gifts.
I was doing laundry today and accidentally left out a very large fart. 4 people turned around. For a minute, I thought I was on "The Voice".
Driving isn’t even in the top 5 things I’m thinking about when I’m driving.
I do this thing called "Whatever The F*ck I Want".
Going to the toilet without your phone is like going to war without a gun
No, PornHub, I would NOT like to share this video with my friends and family on facebook.
Girls here`s an idea, instead of spending all that money on makeup. Just buy your guy a bottle of Jack Daniels.