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Wanna know what it`s like being married? Chain yourself to a wild animal. Now kick the animal.
Iām not a marketing expert. But if I was selling milk, the cartons would be boob shaped.
I just realized that if we drink enough wine, the adult`s table will become the kid`s table.
If every social website was set up to look like a spreadsheet, pretending to work would be so much easier for me.
I`m confused, oh wait, maybe I`m not.
I put ALL my eggs in one basket at the grocery store.... Today..!!
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She is nine-seven now, and we don`t know where they hell she is.
I`m at an age where I no longer want to marry a doctor for his money, but rather for the prescription medications he can provide.
I miss newspapers. It`s weird hitting a dog on the nose with an iPad.
To the teenager that flipped me off for honking at you. Your phone is on top of your car.
i forgot how to put a status ... can anyone help me ?
Why is it never opportunity that`s knocking? Instead, it`s usually cops with a warrant...
You made several good points, and I understand that you are right, but the way you said it was so douchey I have to take an opposite stance.
How come they didn`t call this years game the BUD bowl?
Thinks that some of you make impulsive, poor thought out decisions. We should totally hang out more!!!