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Apparently, you can only say "look at you! You got so big!" to children,,, old girlfriends tend to get offended.
A handshake means something completely different to a cannibal.
I never got the expression "complete idiot". Is there an Incomplete version?
Teaching your dog to fetch a beer is smart. Fetching it from the neighbours house is genius.
Note to self: don’t set your password reminder as “you should know this”
Karma’s only a bitch if you are.
I have two moods: sleep is for the weak and sleeping for a week.
It`s bad luck to be superstitious.
I can`t fall asleep because I am too excited for Christmas
You don`t have to dress like you`re a handbag, unless you are Lady Gaga.
Not one back to school special on beer. What kind of world do we live in.
All who post weather maps on FB. You know we have the internet too, right??
is experiencing life at a rate of several wtf´s a minute
This morning someone threw Skittles at me and said "Taste the Rainbow", I ran them over with my car and sang,"Nationwide is on your side"
I wonder how the Never-ending story is doing.