Daily Silly Status

Some call it alcoholism, I call it "keeping my emotions hydrated"

Puttin the `eff it` in efficient today.

I just wanted you all to know that I’m leaving Facebook. This ride has been a blast and I’ve made a ton of friends who I really do consider friends in the truest sense. Your humor and wit is amazing. I’ll miss all of you, but I’ve decided I need to spend more time with my family. So... see you after breakfast

I always wonder if the people sitting near me at church every Sunday are unsettled by the fact that I take my communion like a shot of cheap vodka because I`m still in a party mode

Never let your printer know you`re in a rush, those bastards smell fear

Every time a clerk asks "Did you find everything you need?" I always answer "No, I couldn`t find a hug"

There’s nothing better than when someone you know walks by without recognizing you.

Still hoping that one day I get to ride a kayak while it`s strapped to the top of someone`s car.

I wish I could google "things to eat in my fridge" so I wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed. ;)

If I would have known there would be a Facebook, I would have written “eff off forever” instead of “keep in touch” in your yearbook.

Their bedroom door is closed. I better walk in there for no reason. - kids

Yes officer, I know my driving is not 100% perfect, but you have to agree that it is still pretty good for someone who is completely drunk.

You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can`t flick your friends out the car window

Technically, if you don`t cut the cake, it`s still just one slice.

My Facebook movie is already in the dollar bin at Walmart.