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Just saw someone holding a sign that said "Honk 2 impeach Obama" You`d think the process to impeach a president would be more complicated
There is no "we" in "bacon", so don`t even ask.
I can totally relate to cranky elderly people. I mean you can only be nice for so long!
If everyone would stop screaming, I`m sure we`d all agree I`m not supposed to be in this women`s restroom.
FYI: Push-up bras don`t actually help you do more push-ups :(
Give a kid a Pop Tart and they eat for a day. Teach a kid how to make a Pop Tart and you sleep in all summer
If you`re in your car, go ahead and pick your nose, because the car makes you invisible.
I’ve been waiting 2 hours for an employee to come and wash my hands like the sign says….
A group of toddlers is called a migraine
Falling in love when lonely is a lot like shopping when hungry, you end up with a bunch of sh!t you don`t need.
If your dog is fat, you’re not getting enough exercise.
am feeling lazy......... jst like the guy who desighned the Japannese flag
Asked my wife if she would be my friend on FB again, she said no. She said my “funny” status updates are annoying. Therefore, I must conclude she loves me for my body...
I like when job applications have a “Some College” option so they know I’m an aimless loser.
Subway only exists because we`re all too damn lazy to throw a sandwich together. "Could you lay meat on that bread for me? Here`s $8."