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The speed at which I can prepare food during a commercial break is amazing.
Peyton Manning saw his shadow this morning...that means six more weeks of bad Papa Johns commercials.
I always take a number at the deli, and I`ve been keeping them.... Eventually I`ll have all the numbers and it will always be my turn.
I never care whether or not my glass is half full or half empty... cause I drink straight from the bottle!
I like to smile at people who don`t like me because I`m an asshole
Same sex marriage? Heck, I know couples who would be happy with a SOME sex marriage
I am pretty sure dry cleaning is a scam where they just laugh and rub money on your clothes then hang them back up in a plastic bag.
I like when google answers my stupid questions because it means I’m not the only one asking google stupid questions.
I might wake up early and go running but I also might win the lottery the odds are about the same
A girl updated her facebook status saying: All men are dogs and I commented • Which breed is your dad?
Recent survey asked people in the U.S if there are too many immigrants: 17% said yes, 83% said Lo siento, no hablan Inglés
Just because I’m smiling, doesn’t mean I don’t want to hit you in the face.
Apparently I misunderstood it when I was told to "expose yourself to other cultures."
My problem has always been a Constipated Brain and my mouth has the Runs.......
Don`t be afraid of a few extra pounds, fat people are much harder to kidnap.