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I think I`m a grown up the same way Dr. Phil is a doctor.
She walked in & she had legs, legs that went on for days. Who knows where they went? They just kept wenting. - Why my mystery novel failed
Game of Thrones characters should have to wear jerseys with their names on the back
I think I just discovered Newton’s third law of Emotion: ..... "For every male action, there is an equal and opposite female overreaction."
Getting drunk and listening to loud music solves 87% of all life`s problems
The awkward moment when you’re not sure if something is your actual memory or if your brain made it up.
Use Angie`s List if you want a plumber to come over. Use Craigslist if you want that plumber to come over with no pants.
I`m starting to think that Dr. Dre isn`t a real doctor after all...
So far,,, I`ve spent 300% of this week exaggerating.
I copied and pasted your pic of what you ate...and got MORE "likes" than you did. :P
you can´t drink all day if you don´t start in the morning
I have my hesitations about Paradise City if the first thing you brag about is the color of the grass
My package finally came today. this is awesome....it means I have bubble wrap to play with
When buying a flat screen tv, always remember to put the box in your neighbor’s trash so you don’t get robbed.
"Oh my god, you`ve gotten so fat! Want me to make you something to eat?" - my mom