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“I promise”, “I am sorry”, and “I love you” all have eight letters, but then again, so does “bullshit”.
With all the technology available now, you’d think they’d have found a way to grow apples without those little stickers.
There is no number for what just happened in that bathroom.
Sharing your faith on Facebook is like sharing a fart in a elevator. It might feel nice to come out but no one really wants to hear it.
I`m glad I`ve got boobs. The last thing I need is people making eye contact with me
If there`s one thing I`ve learnt in life it`s to stay clothed during sensitive conversations.
I started studying Tai Chi, so I wouldn`t recommend getting in a slow-motion fight with me...
Famous words from Fergie... "Boom Boom Pow!" Happy 4th of July!!
Ahhh, the 4th of July. The day where trips to hospital start with the words "Hold my beer and watch this!"
Facebook posts with 12 hashtags, who the f*ck are you trying to reach?
Improve your day by ordering coffee in the voice you use for your pets.
Some families are like Snickers Bars. Mostly sweet, with a few nuts!
Imagine coming home from a long vacation and finding your bathroom towels are wet from just being used. I can do that to your ex if you want.
When will they start calling marijuana dispenseries grass stations?
The 4 stages of a relationship: 1. I like you 2. I love you 3. I hate you 4. Arson