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I don`t get offered drugs nearly as often as D.A.R.E. said I would.
How many men does it take to open a beer? None! It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.
I`m not bothered if someone likes me or Not. Even Angels are hated by Demons.
Never take a laxative and a sleeping aid on the same night. dont ask me why.
Yes, bitches be trippin’ but maybe I pushed one.
Nipples (noun) - the body`s way of telling you the weather
If I ever get real rich, I hope I`m not mean to poor people, like I am now.
You can`t fix stupid, but you can always drink more beer.
Here’s the thing about work: I really don’t feel like doing any.
I want to know what horrific ideas were rejected before they decided "Vagisil" was the best possible brand name?
I hate it when old people poke you at weddings and say you`re next. So I`ve started poking them at funerals
Can`t they just make a "Poke infinity" button?
When one door closes it`s probably because someone shut it.
Adulthood is basically sadness and paying bills.
People hiking with a giant stick never seem any better at hiking than the rest of us.