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" a fool and his money ----- are never around when you need a loan......"
I do all of my ironing in the dryer.
Shhh...you had me at "alcohol may intensify effect..."
You guys are even more beautiful now that I`m wearing my "wine glasses".
How many calories does swearing like a motherf*cker burn?
I am not the same person at 8am and 8pm.
Camping is fun if you`re into pretending that you`re homeless.
Admit it, at some point in time you’ve tried to see if you had superpowers.
High fiving was the original "like".
You can tell Monopoly is an old game because there’s a luxury tax and rich people can go to jail.
Coffee: So I can do nothing with more energy.
My baby girl is so polite. I told her she needed to share and she said "No, thank you"
To do list- (1). Go to pet store. (2). Buy bird seeds. (3). Ask how long it will take for the birds to grow. (4). Wait for the reaction.
How do you get in touch with the models in the pictures that come with the frame? I have an out of control, elaborate lie I need help with.
A homeless guy just asked me for money, and I almost gave it to him, but then I thought... he`s just going to use it for alcohol, and then I thought... That`s what I`m going to use it for.