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Of all the things I have lost in life I mis my mind the most
I get in this weird mood where I don`t want to talk to anybody and just want to be left alone. I call this mood `Awake`
The guy below me obviously doesn`t know that R2-D2 is in movies, not television
Lil Wayne is 10% African-American and 90% tattoo.
Remember the good old days when making the “duck face” involved 2 Pringles?
The only reason they make yellow starbursts is for when someone asks you if they can have one of your starbursts.
I`m not everyone`s cup of tea ... I`d rather be someone`s shot of tequila away.
Walmart: the only place on Earth you can get a haircut, eye exam, ice cream sandwich, tires for your car, and witness a real life "what not to wear" episode.
For you men who think a woman’s place is in the kitchen, remember… that’s where the knives are kept.
I`ve heard that men that are married live longer, but i`ve also heard that men that have sex live longer. Anybody know which one of them is true?
If I died and went straight to hell, it would take me more than a week to realize that I`m not at work anymore....
Organized people are just too lazy to look for things.
I want to sleep tighter
hilarious
6 FUNNIEST CONTRADICTING WORDS 1.Clearly misunderstood 2.Exact estimate 3.Small crowd 4.Found missing 5.Fully empty 6.Happily married