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If someday we all go to prison for downloading Movies and TV shows, I just hope they split us up by genre.
My retirement plan is just $1,000 & a plane ticket to wherever these kids are living on 15 cents a day.
There are two types of people in the world: 1. People who understand and appreciate sarcasm. 2. Morons.
Taking my wife to a wife swapping party tonight… Hoping to get a PS4 in return.
hate it when someone says they are miserable when their profile picture says otherwise.
Thanksgiving advice: Sit at the kids table for as many years as possible.
Don`t get me wrong, Chinese food is amazing. But I`ll be damned if they expect me to believe that a chicken fried this rice.
I hav 10 fingers bt i usd only.. the thumb to write this...!
I like when people call me "Sir". I just wish they wouldn`t follow it up with "you`re making a scene."
If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, nobody else wanted them either :)
I`ll bet whoever said "keep your friends close and your enemies closer" had just farted
Never change. Unless you’re an a$$hole. Then you should probably change a little.
"Hey bro shotgun this beer" No I don`t drink "You wanna be cool don`t you?" I don`t drink "C`mon NERD!" Grandma PLEASE stop
I doubt my inferiority complex is as good as everyone else`s
Buy a "World`s Greatest Boss" mug and drink out of it in front of your boss.