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I wonder if angry people know about naps?
I helped my girlfriend with the dinner last night. I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.
BREAKING NEWS: New $100 bills start circulating yesterday. I wish this affected my life in any way.
The length of your "About me" section on Facebook is directly proportional to how annoying you are in real life.
Has anyone donated any money to ALS? All these ice bucket challenges I been seeing makes me think ... you all some cheap bastards
Screw getting an alarm system. I`ve seen Home Alone, I know what to do.
Sluts are just hookers with no grasp of economics.
If I`m in your house and you have bookshelves... Be prepared to see me turning statues and bending down books while looking for your lair.
Non alcohilic beer, for people who like to pee but hate that annoying buzz.
#1738 "The fact that people use the wrong "your" and "there" yet spell "Bieber" correctly bothers me."-dd
Use Angie`s List if you want a plumber to come over. Use Craigslist if you want that plumber to come over with no pants.
Dogs are God`s way of apologizing for your relatives.
It`s all fun and games...unless there`s cookies, then it`s serious
They ordered two extra large pizzas at work. I wonder what everyone else is going to eat.
I wish my wallet came with free refills.